Anyway, back to impatience. I suppose I must be a glutton for punishment because I always get a copy of my scan and go straight home and plug it into my computer (or Pew Pew as I affectionately call it) and analyze and scrutinize every little spot from every angle I can, zooming in and out the entire time while adjusting the contrast around. Here is what I saw today.
These first two pictures are the "worst" looking two angles from my first CT scan back in March of 2010.
These are from today.
The dark spots are cancer. I adjusted the contrast so that it would be more apparent. As you can see in the first pictures the cancer was not in neat little bundles but spread out all over my liver weaving together making larger tumors in places and otherwise scattered around in little clusters here and there making it impossible to surgically resect.
Now I know better than to put the cart before the horse AND I am certainly not trained in the art of reading images but to me the pictures from today look a LOT better. It certainly makes one want to get excited doesn't it? Cancer has made me immune to excitement it seems. I hardly ever get excited anymore about stuff like this. I suppose that I may be afraid of getting my hopes up for good news but then finding out that something is wrong (because once again, I am not a doctor and I am just guessing at this point). I bet that most of us cancer "survivors/thrivers" out there feel this way.
I was just complaining to my girlfriend last night about how much my liver was hurting. It has been killing me lately. For not having any nerve endings in the liver it sure can hurt a lot, weird huh? Then she said to me "hey, pain is just the feeling of healing". I nearly fell over! I LOVE it!! She is the one who first told me that "Cancer Can Suck It" because she was pissed that I had cancer. It has been hard not to think the worst lately because of the pain. Seems like if you are in pain something is wrong to me. But hey, who knows it may just be The Feeling of Healing.