At first I felt nothing. I was in shock. My wonderful, loving boyfriend accompanied my on that day and I can remember not wanting to look at him for fear of losing my composure. I wanted the facts so I knew exactly what I was dealing with.
Then I felt shame. I wanted to hide my discovery from everyone. I felt dirty and horrible because I had something dirty and horrible growing inside of me. I felt horrible for having to tell people the bad news and hurt them make them sad or make them cry because of me.
Then my boyfriend, Jeff, gave me a book that was recommended to him called Crazy Sexy Cancer Survivor by a woman not much different in age from myself named Kris Carr. Her words inspired me to be a Crazy Sexy Cancer Assassin.
With the support of my wonderful man Jeff, ALL of my awesome friends, and my mom and dad I have since decided to change my attitude from that of a victim and a horrible person to a much more positive one that is healthy and beautiful. I feel good! I am beautiful! I can and will beat this!
In the past seven days I have experienced life again for the first time. I have seen and appreciated so many things that I would have otherwise never even noticed before. I am a new person who cares more than ever before about what I eat and drink as well as what I subject my body to and the products around me. I know that I cannot beat this if I do not try and I plan on doing more than just trying.
This blog is to keep myself sane. It is a place to let my anxieties out into the world and to draw energy from your comments. I whole heartedly and openly beg you to send me any resources you have about liver cancer, nutrition, raw foods, recipes, books, websites, doctors, you get the picture...I also welcome your stories and experiences.
This is also the place where I will post updates on my condition so that my family and friends will have somewhere to go to get updated on the latest. Sorry I most likely will not have the energy to call you all personally but that does not mean I don't love you all, it just means that I really need all of my energy to get healthy from the inside out.
So here is the update.
This Thursday I will find out what the results are of all of my tests and scans (PET scan and liver biopsy). This will determine what kind of cancer we are looking at and what my treatment options are. Most likely I will be getting second, third, and fourth opinions. I also plan to pursue treatment through diet (primarily raw foods and green juices) acutonics, eastern medicine, clinical trials, massage, acupunture and acupressure. So much to research, there needs to be about 10 of me.
In a nutshell I am nervous about Thursday. My mom is coming from out of town to accompany Jeff and I to the oncologist. I am keeping a positive attitude and getting my ninja stealth assassin on.
I love all of you, get out there and live!