Tonight as I sit by the fire with Clark the dog I look up and count my lucky stars, literally.
After chemotherapy I drove out of town with Clark, then tent, some firewood, seaweed ramen, shakti chai, my journal, my kick ass 3 person tent that I purchased last summer and have never used until now, a cooler full of fruit, yogurt and some coconut water and drove off to Mt Hood Wilderness and went camping for the evening.
The whole deal is that the perseid meteor showers are in town and tonight was supposed to be one of the best night to view them. I had to do it. Jeff needed to stay home for work, so I didn't let that stop me.
As I look up I see millions of stars. Some bright, some sparkle, some swirl with color, maybe those are planets, I don't know and right now I don't even care. My little fire warms my flip flopped feet...and speaking of flip flops, why is it so much fun to flip the flops. I love to flip mine around on my feet like a drummer twirls his sticks, well, maybe not that good but I still think I'm cool to myself and it just feels good and fun too :)
So as the fire warms my feet and shins Clark is asleep on his bed at a distance as it is probably about 76 degrees outside and the fire does not feel as good to him as it does to someone like me who just got assaulted with chemicals today. It makes me chilly. The stuff is chilly when it goes in, makes you chilly and all chicken skin-ny and then you stay cool the rest of the day (when you are not having hot flashes).
Fire is always nice though. It's all a part of camping, well at least car camping. I love to watch it. I love to watch the way the logs crack and fissure and make crazy firey landscapes.
Clark's been protecting me all night. Growling at critters in the woods. I'm camping in a beautiful spot by the Sandy river near the town of Zig Zag. The landscape looks very volcanic. The trees are short and thin and the ground is all mossy and rocky. It is sort of eerie in a beautiful way. I have always wanted to spend and evening here ever since I first saw it last summer when Jeff and I had our first Oregon hiking date. I know he was a keeper at this point, it was our 4th date, but I knew. We went to Burnt Lake. We ate at Bernie's Southern Bistro the night before and I think we had wings at Fire on the Mountain that evening. There was live music. It was perfect.
Surprisingly Clark is a really good camper. So far we haven't slept in the same tent yet but I think it will be just fine. He is a snuggler. Most likely he is gonna try to steal my comfy sleeping pad in exchange for his cedar bed from Costco.
The start, ah yes, I keep getting sidetracked...chemo head. My good friends know I've got it bad. I've stopped being quite so hard on myself for it though. I'm still learning. Lessons, lessons. Good things, those lessons :)
Yes, back to the stars. There is hardly a moon so the sky is very black. The stars shine as if the sky were a giant black canvas illuminated from behind with a very bright light and millions of holes pricked in the cloth are the stars. Some are larger and brighter than others, some are smaller and orange or green or red or blue, some flicker. Then I see a shooting star, well, a meteor! My first one of the evening. Beautiful! I tell Clark what I just saw. He looks up from tired eyes and acknowledges my find unenthusiastically. I poke the fire some, then some more. I really like to play with the fire. Ask anyone who has ever gone camping with me. I can make (and maintain) a pretty darn good fire. It is one of my skills, look out Napoleon Dynamite!
Now my fire is growing dim and my eyes are wanting to fix themselves on the sky. I just saw my second meteor! Hopefully many more to come.
I am excited to sleep in the tent. I always get my best nights sleep in the tent out camping. I got reiki today again during my chemo session. Lynn is just the best. She is one of those people I just fell in love with the first time we met. She was so eager to share her gift with me and she is a beautiful person with only the most positive, encouraging and healthy bits of wisdom passed along at those right moments. Not to mention that she is an awesome reiki practitioner. She has really helped me so much in the short time I have known her. Lynn, thank you so much for all you do, you are so appreciated and loved.
Which brings me to someone else I have not thanked near enough yet. My other mama Lynda at my naturopath. She is full of the most wonderful energy. She shines. She always writes lovely affirmations on my I.V. bag full of vitamins. She always has awesome stories and recommendations. She has such a playful and sincere soul and truly cares about me and my wellbeing. She gives me tea and healthy snacks when I am there for my appointments. She loves to look at all of my pictures of the goofy things I take photos of. I have over 1300 photos on the cameral roll on my iphone. It is a daily habit for me taking tons of pics. Back to Lynda...she is such a sweetheart and wise woman, always making me smile, feel good and giving me the best advice and food for thought. The strangest, coolest things happen every time I am there. Those kind of "did that really just happen?" or "did you just see what I saw?" kinds of strange cool things. I always leave with a smile on my face and feeling loved. Lynda, you are my other mama, thank you for taking such good care of me these last few months. You are an angel.
And I cannot quit this role of thanking until I thank another person for taking care of me like a mother. Beverly, I love you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being such a wonderful, sincere, caring, loving, concerned, selfless person. I believe that people come into each others lives for reasons and you have taught me so much about the importance of taking care of myself and being more forgiving of myself. You are truly a blessing and I am thankful our paths crossed. You are and inspiration!
One more please. Sarah M. I want you to know that you have changed my life. You are beautiful and wise and intuitive and wonderful at what you do. Thank you for checking in on me, I love to get your messages! I want you to know that I am coming to see you again very soon. It has taken a while for me to digest what I learned from our last meeting and I think I am ready for some more. The experience I had at our session was one of the most profound magnitude. You are a wonderful healer! I also want to thank you so much for referring me to Dr. P. He is a god send! It was truly meant to be, just as meeting you was. I am so thankful for your presence in my life and have learned things from you that I would have never imagined I would learn. Thank you so much!
Ok, now it is thoroughly dark and I am going to soak up the last of the heat from the glowing coals in my fire, move my chair because the wind has changed and "I hate white rabbits, I hate white rabbits, I hate white rabbits!" Lastly I bid you all goodnight as I gaze upon our galaxy and thank the Universe for allowing me this privilege and for my life and all of the wonderful people, animals, lessons, love joy and bountifulness in it. May you all have all the happiness you deserve. Sleep tight, have beautiful dreams and wake refreshed and full of joy!
I'm gonna count my lucky stars :)