Friday, April 29, 2011

Humble Pie and Help

I really feel that need to share something with you all.

As you all must know by now the old bank account has been wearing very thin lately.  I've spent over 30K at the naturopath alone in the last year.  Crazy huh! I had a glimmer of hope that my state insurance would cover the supplements and IV's but alas, I had a feeling it was too good to be true.  Things have worked out since then though and for the moment it is no longer an issue....why you ask, well let me tell you what you need to know.

It took a lot of humble pie to do it but I did the absolutely unthinkable...
I asked for help.

There you go, plain and simple.  It was different.  I like to be the one helping others, not the other way around.  If I have it, I share it.  That is what I like to do, but you guys and gals, WOW!

I was sitting around late one night this week not being able to sleep from a treatment, looking on Amazon to order my supplements and realized "wait, I'd better check my account first to make sure there is enough money to cover this"  then I got all depressed, not wanting to even look at my dwindling account for fear that it would say "0" or worse yet, "overdraft" I decided to put my order on the "wish list" so in my late night stupor I would not accidentally click the "purchase" button.  I then decided to try to get some sleep (on the couch, my usual spot lately) and sleep I did.  I woke up and looked at the Amazon wish list again reluctantly but knowing that I needed to order my vitamins regardless of if it drained my account or not.  It was then that I saw the little "share this on fb" icon and so I clicked it.  The rest is history, I seriously could not post the supplements on my list fast enough, you all were so eager to help! I cannot even begin to tell you all how incredibly moving this was to me! You all are so incredibly selfless and awesome! Talk about help! Thanks to all of you who so generously purchased my supplements for me this month!  It was such a complete lifesaver! It came at the perfect time as well.  Lately I have been feeling pretty down in the dumps.  I have been really feeling the effects of having stage IV inoperable, incurable, your screwed cancer on just about every aspect of my life lately including everyone and everything around me.  I stepped on my cat the other day, TWICE in the same few seconds.  Really crushed her too, God I wanted to puke! I felt so bad, she was so hurt and mad at me and growled at me and hissed then went and hid in a dark corner of the basement.  Horrible! She even limped a little the next day! All because of my mushy chemo brain, ears, eyes I didn't even see her, nor was I looking because I was so focused on filling up pill box for the week instead.  Like another one of my blogger friends said "cancer affects everything/everyone around you...the plants animals and people"  too true.  I can't even begin to express how many things have been pushed to the side (and often forgotten completely about) because of cancer.  But that is not THIS story, save that for another time when I feel like complaining :)

THIS story is about asking for help.  Swallowing our pride, our reservations, our "but I don't deserve it's".  YOU do deserve it!   Asking for help is one of the hardest things for us to do, we have to swallow that giant lump, take a chance, feel a little uncomfortable for a nano-second then allow it to happen.  Put it out there to the universe and see what comes back to you, but just make sure you are ready and willing to accept it, then accept it graciously and with love and thanks.  You do deserve it!

Once again, you have all "made my day/week/month!" You constantly continue to teach me that I deserve it too.  Thank you, thank you, thank you! You continually inspire me, keep me strong, and give me the strength to kick some cancer ass!

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