Friday, February 11, 2011

Day 283

I hope you all had a wonderful end to your year.

I think that this year will bring many many wonderful things to all of us.  I feel that 2011 is going to be a big year for me.  I am leaving myself open to all the possibilities so that not a single one passes me by.

I recently got to meet my mentor Kris Carr at a book signing at Barnes and Noble in Clackamas town center.  She was so mellow and nice and I really loved her. It was a super cool day!

On a much different note, it seems that I always have some kind of what I call "brain candy" book going at all times.  You know the one I'm talking about.  The trashy novel, or the romantic heroine type novel, or a thriller/sci fi type thing, you know "brain candy".  My brain candy is usually Dean Koontz, and for anyone who has ever read Dean Koontz knows that most of the stories are really kind of all the same, but for some reason he can draw you right into the story (well at least me).  Anyway, there was a paragraph in one of his books that I just finished (Odd Hours) and I have been re-reading it for the past week now because it means a lot to me.  It sums up how I feel about some things that are going on in my life at the moment as a result of last years cancer diagnosis.

Without any further ado:

"Grief can destroy you--or focus you.  You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone.  Or you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't allow yourself to consider the sacredness of it.   But when it's over and you're alone, you begin to see it wasn't just a movie and a dinner together, not just watching sunsets together, not just scrubbing a floor or washing dishes together or worrying over a high electric bill.  It was everything, it was the why of life, every event and precious moment of it.  The answer to the mystery of existence is the love you shared sometimes so imperfectly, and when the loss wakes you to the deeper beauty of it, to the sanctity of it, you can't get off you knees for a long time, you're driven to your knees not by the weight of the loss but by gratitude for what preceded the loss.  And the ache is always there, but one day not the emptiness, because to nurture the emptiness, to take solace in it, is to disrespect the gift of life."

I know a lot of you out there are V-Day haters, and that is ok :)
Every day is valentines day for me :)  We don't have to wait for valentines day to tell each other how much we appreciate them and love them and how much they mean to us.  Nor do we need to wait to pick up a little gift, a card (make it even) or a single flower, just to let someone else know that you are thinking about them.  It often makes there whole entire day and gives you that little rush as well :)

Cancer Can Suck It!


  1. That passage from the Dean Koontz book gave me chills. Just got another wave thinking about it. Thank you for sharing.

  2. Glad you liked it :) It gave me chills too that's why I had to post it