Saturday, June 12, 2010

Day 80

Thursday's chemo session has left me feeling a lot more tired and drained than usual.  I wonder if the nurse forgot the prednisone this time...The anti-nausea medicine has been making me feel super spacey, or maybe that is just the chemo...none the less I need to make a correction to my one of my last blog posts regarding the symposium happening on the 15th (Tuesday).  I am afraid that due to my lack of brain function and lack of function in general I am not going to be able to physically be there to make a presentation.  If you had plans to come and see me specifically on that day you may want to change those.  I am certain that the symposium will be wonderful and there will be so many things to learn there from my classmates so I still encourage you to attend for that reason alone, but alas, I will not be there.

This does not mean it is time to start worrying about me, it just means that I need rest and a very very low stress level right now.

I have to say this really sucks.  I feel like I have let my group mates and class mates down.  I feel like I am not living up to my own standards of how to do things well and that is irritating to me.  It has taken Jeff a lot of convincing to get me to finally let this go and admit that I need my time for healing and that I was getting way too stressed over this project.  It was literally killing me stressing out about it for the last 3 weeks, trying to do it but lacking brain function and capacity to even know where to begin.  I had what I thought was a great idea and I really wanted to see it come to fruition but I now realize that it took even more courage to back away from it and take care of myself instead, something that I am not that good at but I am learning how to be.

In a few hours I will be in my car on my way to Seattle to meet with my group and give the news to the ones who have not checked their email yet.  I am still going to participate in planning this whole thing, I just will not be present on that specific day.  I hate to be the bearer of bad news.

Class on Sunday, the last one ever...crazy how fast time goes by. I will miss my community at Antioch, but I know that we will be keeping in touch, we have made bonds there that can never be broken by time or space.

This post goes out to all of my classmates and community at Antioch University in Seattle.  I love you all, and I cherish the time we have spent together for the last 2 years.  You are all truly wonderful people and I am proud of every single one of you.  I am so happy that there are such inspirational, motivated, insightful agents of change such as all of you out there working to make our world a better place.  Congratulations to you all on your graduation!  I wish you nothing but the best in this world.

Peace love and light!

The Cancer Assassin

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