Monday, May 10, 2010
I am still recovering from my little chest port implantation from last Thursday. I got to take off the bandages this morning and WOW! It freaked me out a bit. Never having had any type of surgery before and only 4 stitches on my thumb last year after my incident with the cheese grater, the giant bulge and stitches on my chest are a little WEIRD to say the least. Here is a kinda gross pic of it.
I have been in contact recently with the wife of someone from Crystal Mountain that is the GM there who also has (I believe I should say HAD) cholangiocarcinoma (the same thing as me). His wife, Kim, told me about his ordeal and that they went to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester MN and she swears that is why he is still alive today, well that and the fact that he never once thought he wouldn't survive. She urged me to RUN and not walk to the phone and make an appointment there. I will be doing just that.
I called them already about a week or so ago and found out that they wanted upfront $5000 just to see me. If I do get in to get a liver transplant that will cost at least 1 Million dollars, or 1,000,000!!!!! I have no insurance. I have no idea how I will ever get through this financially. Will Obama save me? Will I win some lottery that I have never even bought a ticket for? Will I just fix my own liver myself and be done with it. It is so hopeful and so overwhelming at the same time. I am excited that I might be able to get a liver, and I am excited to go talk with a kick ass specialist at one of the most respected Clinics in the world. Can they save my ass?
It is overwhelming because I don't know where in the world I can get the money I would need to do what needs to be done. 1 million is a LOT of money. Will they deny me healthcare or a transplant because I cannot afford it? Ohhhhh stress is not good! I guess I will just try to come up with $5000 somehow then see what happens after that. It is these type of days that I think fuels my funky strange dreams of late.
Last night I dreamed I was almost eaten alive by wolves while visiting on of my favorite places in the woods, then I dreamed that a giant snake was swimming after me in a pool of water where I was swimming. Then I was living with a tribe of native americans and they all abandoned me in the middle of the night because I was a bad omen. Needless to say I had some pretty sleepless nights lately.
So Jeff and I went to run some errands, Costco for T.P. and kitty litter, then Home Depot for lumber for the compost bin and more soil for the garden. I was sitting on everything I could find to sit on at the Depot. I was so tired. As soon as we got home I asked if he would mind if I went and laid down, of course he didn't so here I am posting on my blog and feeling quite wiped out. I wonder if I will even have energy for dinner tonight. It is hard to fix dinner when you have no energy. But what is harder is trying to go out and eat instead. I have found that there are only a very small handful of restaurants that I can eat at anymore and those 3 or 4 get a little old after a while.
So while I lay here, my kitty is keeping me company. She always knows when I don't feel good and snuggles with her little tuna breath up to me making biscuits on my shoulder with her cute little fuzzy kitty paws. I love my kitty girl!
Ok, time to pass out for a while...Maybe I will have nice dreams about nice things.
Cancer Can Suck It!