In the spirit...of giving?

Yes I am!  I'm excited to go to grammas for Thanksgiving and I'm excited to get to see my mom and spend a few days in Seattle hanging out with her.  It's been far too long since I've seen her and she works way to hard often working weekends.  I know she does it mostly to be able to help me out and I worry about her working so much.  I don't want her to run herself down and get sick or something.  Regardless, I am just going to be glad to spend some time with her.

X-mas '13 with Mags Who Wags

Oh man!  I have been feeling so crappy lately.  Super run down, weak and shaky.  With the exception of the last four days, I haven't slept for more than two hours at a time in about three months.  No energy to cook or clean or even get out of my apartment.  Wanna hear my theory as to why?  I really think it is because I am now almost 11/2 years into chemotherapy again.  I remember what that was like last time I was there.  I had a huge painful rash all over my face that hurt so badly I couldn't even put my face on my pillow.  I weighed about 103lbs and was way to skinny.  My hair was so thin you could see my scalp and I often wore a hat or a wig to keep warm and not look so crazy.  I had neuropathy all over my body in many different forms and my chemobrain was fried extra crispy...couldn't even concentrate long enough to follow a 1/2 hour sit com and just forget the notion that I would ever have been able to remember anything at all.

As I sit here typing this I am now three treatments shy of being at the place I was last time.  The bad news is that all of the chemotherapy has completely fried my poor gallbladder and it hurts a lot now.  The good news is that I don't have a huge rash all over my face (my skin is actually better than it has been in many years, mostly I think because I use castor oil and olive oil with lavender e.o. as face wash every day).  I still have a full head of hair and I just wear a hat to stay warm or look cute now :)  I weigh 121lbs at weigh in last week during chemo.  Most of my pants don't fit, so actually I am trying to re-haul my diet once again to eliminate more carbs and sugar from it.  I have to fess up and admit that I have fallen off my bandwagon in regards to eating well.  I have been feeling so crappy for so many months now that I have not spent the time cooking like I usually do.  Not as much time preparing fresh foods meant many meals that could be heated up in the oven or on the stovetop.  Usually those meals have a lot of empty carbs and those eventually make you just feel worse, not to mention make your pants not fit.  My chemobrain is not as bad as it was before but it is definitely still there.  Concentration is an issue for me as I am once again finding myself not being able to do one thing for too long without starting something else or forgetting what I was doing.  It's hard for me to remember dates/plans.  I constantly have to keep asking "when is such and such again?" or I just forget that I got an invite all together.  I have two calendars that I write everything on and usually about 8-10 post-it notes in the brightest colors I could find with notes to self written in bold fat sharpie.  They are stuck on my mirror in the bathroom right in the middle so I can't miss it.  I have them stuck to my front door to remind me to do something before I walk out.  I have them in my car to remind me what errands I have to run after I get my IV or chemo.  Ahh...post-its! What would I do without you?

X-mas '14 downtown Portland with my mama

Even though I feel crappy more often than not and my energy is very low and I have some chemobrain going on I am so thankful I am not in the place I was last time at this point in my treatment.  Now you wanna hear my theory on why I think the side effects from the chemo aren't as bad this time as last time?  VITAMIN C IV's!!!  Seriously those things are absolute life savers.  They enhance the cancer killing effects of the two chemotherapy drugs I get (it's been proven in studies even).  It acts like a natural form of chemotherapy by oxidizing cancer cells (vitamin C only does this when in IV form, taken by mouth it is an anti-oxidant which is good for boosting the immune system).  It has NO negative side effects, or at least I have never experienced any.  My nurse says that it can sometimes cause bloating and gas but it has never happened to me.  It makes me really thirsty though and I often drink 80-100oz of water on those days.  It does wonders for the skin, hair, and nails.  And considering that at the beginning of the year I had more cancer in my body than I do now, I think that on top of all of the positives of the C I can safely say that it truly seems to be helping to assassinate those tumors.

But...I have a problem.  I only have enough credit in my account at The Center for Traditional Medicine where I get my vitamin C IV's to get three more IV's.  I have been trying to spread them out as thinly as possible but as often as I can so that I can still get some benefits from them but making them last a bit longer as well.  I am supposed to get three a week, but honestly that is just too hard for me.  I am ok with two a week but on chemo weeks I think I could only handle one.  I am not trying to be to optimistic but I would really like to get one a week.  I know that is not optimal according to my doc but he does agree that some is better than none ( he wants me to get three).  The IV's cost $145 each, see my conundrum.  I can't even afford enough groceries to last me for a month with my income.  My mom helps me out, my dad helps me out, and friends help out, but they can only do so much themselves.  My plan was to take a break from chemo for a few months to give my battered body, brain, nerves and aching gallbladder that has been fried from chemo a much needed breather.  Maybe I will heal a bit, get back on track, get some of my energy and mojo back.  Maybe I will even have enough energy to go for a small hike, who knows!  I was hoping that during the time I am not getting chemo I can replenish my body with all kinds of good stuff.  I am hoping to be able to continue my vitamin C IV's at once a week but I can't do that without a little help...ok a lot of help but if a lot of people help then it just makes it a little cause a little goes a long long ways.

So here(are) is my plea(s):

Please, PLEASE enjoy your holidays!  Spend time with as many friends and family as possible and no matter your differences remember how thankful you are to have them all in your lives.

Be safe out there and stay warm and be kind.

If I am not back on here before Christmas please have a wonderful, joyful time filled with love and memories.  I have a lot of projects to get done before then because I am crafting all of my gifts.  Have to get crafty and creative when there is a money shortage :) but it makes for very unique gifts.

AND if you can spare $1 or $5 or any gift cards for grocery stores (Fred Meyer, Trader Joes, Whole Foods, Safeway) or gas gift cards I would really appreciate any help at all.  I'm serious, don't feel bad about giving $1 because every bit goes a long long way and you have no idea how much I appreciate it. Here is the link with contact info for my naturopath where I receive my C IV's. They are happy to accept a check or take a debit/credit card over the phone.  And...THANK YOU!!!!
The Center for Traditional Medicine 
If you would rather donate via paypal you can do so at thegrassygreen(at)gmail or contact me and I can get you any information you desire (addresses etc)

The last tree my little kitty girl helped me decorate.

Cholangiocarcinoma, diet, and supplement information for those out there who have questions.

I want to include a couple of links for those out there who have been asking questions about diet, supplements and just in general what to do if you or your loved one has cholangiocarcinoma.  The links are to my diet and my supplement list but please take this with you as you read them.  Everyone is different and what may work very well for one person may not work at all or not as well for another.  I cannot diagnose or prescribe a treatment plan for anyone as I am not a doctor.  All I can do is share the things that worked for me.  I think that with food it is pretty safe to say to avoid sugars and all processed foods while making the bulk of your meals vegetables and maybe some meats if you can handle meat.  Now again, if you need to gain weight veggies alone aren't going to work and you might need those carbs.  Do you see how me offering advice becomes a slippery slope.  So with that in mind please accept my account of the things I did that have helped me.  I wish I had the energy and time to talk to every single one of you personally but a lot of the time I barely have enough energy for me right now.  Please be healthy out there and never ever give up hope.  Doctors can not tell us how much time we have left on this earth.  My motto is to live every day as if it was my last and to try to be as good to my body as I possibly can be given my energy and finances.  I always try to find the good in everything rather than the bad and I find that it really helps me feel better not just emotionally but physically as well.  Surrounding yourself or your loved ones who are sick with nothing but love and light and peace instead of worry might go a long way to boost their spirits and give them the motivation they need to fight the cancer.
If you want to speak to my naturopath to get more detailed information and scientific explanations as to your specific case you can reach him at The Center for Traditional Medicine in Lake Oswego, OR.  His name is Dr. Noel Peterson.  He has even helped out of state people before by record faxing and phone conversations.  I know he is a very busy doctor though so try to be patient if he can't get to you right away.  He is a wealth of detailed scientific information.

Here is the link to my diet information for those interested:
My Cancer Killing Diet and Lifestyle

And here is the link to my supplement information:
Questions Answered

Another link on supplements:
Supplements...why they are good for me and maybe you too.

I do take a few more supplements than that now but those are specifically for certain conditions I have as a result of all of the chemotherapy.  I am not sure that those should be recommended unless by a doctor.

Once again I want to let you all know that YOU have been the best support system that I could have ever dreamed of!  It has been because of every single beautiful one of you and your shining spirit that I have been able to kick this much cancer booty!  I look at every day as a blessing and find something beautiful in every one of them, even the bad ones.  There is so much beauty out there and it doesn't take a lot of looking to find it.  Soak it in and share it with the world.  A little more love can't hurt a thing.

It's in the air!

I saw someone wearing shorts and a t-shirt yesterday on my way home from my C IV.  It was a nice sunny warm day but I was still cold.  I've been cold a lot lately, probably because I am only 107 pounds and have pretty much no insulation on my body.  I am trying to gain some weight back though.  Believe it or not it is not as easy as you may think.

Me and Pa hanging out on the river

Once again it has been a strange year off to a strange start.  About a month or so ago I started having that pain in the middle of my abdomen again, right where my ribs come together at the bottom of my ribcage.  It feels like someone driving a knife into my stomach.  It hurts a LOT.  I took a couple of oxycodone and it didn't even tough the pain.  So I took some morphine and same deal, no relief.  Then I decided to go to the emergency room, knowing that they would not be able to do anything except give me more painkillers and at least they could monitor me in the meantime.  So off I went, drove myself to the ER and drove myself  back home again about 4 hours later.  Luckily it was only about 6 blocks away.  Then I had a bunch of family come to stay with me because I couldn't drive anywhere due to all the morphine I was on.  Gramma came for a week, then dad came and ended up coming back again for a total of about 3 weeks.

New port and old ones...

My new superport didn't heal very well due to all the scar tissue from the previous site.  So I had to go and get yet another port placed around valentines day.  This one is on the other side in fresh virgin flesh so it should be alright and is already looking better than the previous two ever did.  Finally!

I ended up  being admitted to the hospital for the pain.  I was there for two nights and three days all the while running tests and MRI's of my head to see if there was a tumor there that might be causing my trouble.  Those all checked out just fine.  I did a barium swallow and it was fine until it got to my large intestine.  Then they discovered a giant roadblock.  I was severely constipated.  The barium I had swallowed stayed in my system for three days because it had no where to go!  Then they released me.  I was so upset.  How was I supposed to take care of this all by myself and didn't they care that I was full of shit, literally!   If you're one of those TMI people you may not want to read this part.  I got home and did a warm water enema which helped a little.  I gave myself a break for a day and powered down two dulcolax tablets and low and behold things moved, a LOT!  I can honestly say it was one of the biggest reliefs ever.  My pain was so bad for so long I quite honestly thought I was going to die.  The head pharmacist at the hospital gave me a very helpful piece of information and I stick to it religiously now because I never EVER want that to happen again....anytime I take anything that could cause constipation I take a Senna S to go with it.  This so far has helped me immensely!  I also found out that I cannot live on soft foods alone, like soup, smoothies and juice.  My body really needs to have something solid to work on otherwise it forgets how to digest.

Wow!!!

I am now taking motility drugs to help with my body's digestive process and something called gabapentin for nerve pain.  The little sac that holds all my liver and bile duct etc has nerve endings in it and due to the swelling from chemo and cancer etc it is what really starts hurting.  Ever since I have been on the nerve pain pills (which don't leave me feeling woozy) my pain has been pretty much in the manageable category and that is a very good thing.  For now I am still taking motility drugs and I am hoping that eventually my body will remember how to digest again and I may get to stop taking them.

Digging for agates.

It has been a busy, busy past couple of months in LauraLand.  I am hoping things will settle down now and I can start planning some summer fun for my family and I.  I got to get out and go agate hunting with my dad and brother and sister this past weekend and it was so nice to get out into the woods for a bit.  However I was so tired hiking out that my dad had to carry my loot of agates. But we found quite a few and even some as big as my fist!  One that looked like a crazy horn even.

Ever since I got out of the hospital every day is a little better than the last and my energy is starting to come back slowly.  Sleep is still one of my favorite past times and I keep hearing that is ok because this is when your body is healing itself and I can use all of the healing I can get.  Since I was in the hospital and laid up for a while I wasn't able to get an IV for a week or two and I can really feel the difference in energy levels.  I just got one yesterday and am already starting to feel my cells jumping for joy!

Colored pencil shavings.  Cool huh?!

I've been doing a lot of craft stuff at home.  On of my new favorite things to do is to paint rocks...stupid sounding I know but it is calming and relaxing and it is fun to see what you can create.  Most of them get given away but that is most of the fun!  I am still making mobiles and working on a way to drill holes in the polished agates I have found so that I can make jewelry out of them soon.  I also have plans to make wall hanging jewelry holders in addition to mobiles so if anyone needs gifts for mothers day or whatever please think of me and  a home made item instead of a gift card or a big box gift. :)

I still miss my kitty like crazy and even find myself crying at the drop of a hat when I see something that reminds me of her or if I think about how her presence is missing in my home. I am happy though that she is in no more pain and discomfort and I just know that she is here with me all the time but it sure would be nice to pet her and snuggle up on the couch for a nap together.  I miss her smell and her soft fuzzy fur.  I even miss the icky stuff like cleaning up after her accidents and having to be home at certain times just to give her medications.  I can't wait to see her again but I am in no hurry to get there just yet either. :)

My kitty soulmate, rest in piece little girl. I love you!

I am also (always) accepting donations to help pay for my vitamin C IV's so if any of you are able to help out at all I would be forever grateful.  Even $1 helps.  There are multiple ways to donate to my cause and gift cards for gas or Fred Meyer for groceries or trader Joe's or Whole Foods even are lifesavers for me as my food stamp money does not last me for the entire month.  You can also donate directly to my doctors office at The Center for Traditional Medicine in Lake Oswego by calling them and telling them that you would like to put money into my account.  The phone number is 503-636-2734.  Again, ANY AMOUNT IS GREATLY APPRECIATED AND VERY MUCH NEEDED!  I am still kicking some cancer ass and I most certainly know that I wouldn't even be here today if it was not for you all and your support in every way.  Thank you all so much and I hope you know that my love for you all is endless as well as my gratitude.

Remember, we never, ever have a tomorrow.  All we have is this moment today right now.  And no matter how bad life is it can always and I mean always be worse. :)

Cancer Can Suck It!

Bittersweet News

If you are reading this, I hope it finds you happy, healthy and full of life!

Is anyone else out there having the most challenging year ever?  I remember reading my horoscope at the beginning of the year and they all said how awesome this year was going to be for me and how it was going to be the year I had been waiting forever for.  Hmmm...maybe I'm missing something.  Not that it is a bad year.  Anytime you are alive and functioning it is a good, good day.  I guess that it has just been unusually challenging for me pretty much ever since that fateful scan I got way back in January that said "knock knock, cancer's back to play".  I have learned many lessons this year and am still on my learning journey.  I have always thought that when the time comes that you have no lessons left to learn and no more contributions to give, you move on to whatever is next.  Looks like I might be around for a while cause I still have many lessons to learn :)

So I had a CT scan last week.  Got the results on Friday.  It wasn't bad news but it wasn't spectacular news either.  It was good and I am definitely fine with good.  It appears that the margins on some of the tumors (there are too many to count once again all kind of running together here and there) are getting fuzzier and not as distinct.  This is a good thing, it means that the cancer (tumors) is dying or at least not as active as it was 3 months ago.  None of them had shrunk enough to really mention in the scan reports and the cluster in my nodes near my hepatic artery and the rest of the super highway of arteries that I have in there (I am one out of 10,000 born with my liver being supplied with blood by different arteries than most other people) are still there being inflamed and causing pressure and general discomfort.  My oncologist said he was happy with the results of the scan as did my ND.  I am happy about it too.  I didn't really expect that everything would be drastically different in a mere 3 months.  Also, it is important to remember that a CT scan only shows masses and not metabolic activity of the cancer.  So it is a good scan to get a general idea of what is going on and to measure the growth or shrinkage of tumors, but not such a great scan to see if the tumors are actually living or not.  The PET is better for that purpose  I still have a lot of dead tumor material in my liver and it still shows up on the CT but not the PET.

Even though I am very happy about the news that I am no worse off than I was three months ago, that the tumors aren't any bigger, and that some of the margins are fuzzier, I still can't help but feeling a little disappointed.  It's really hitting home lately (pretty much ever since I almost died from radiation) that I am now living in what the statistics say are the 2% chance to live 5 years.  BUT you and I also know that I make my own statistics and I don't fit neatly into those boxes.  It still weighs heavy...

All this Vitamin C is really kicking some booty though.  Compared to this point in my last chemo back in 2010 there is a stark difference in my appearance and my overall health.  I still have hair that isn't falling out.  I don't have huge rashes on my face that burn and itch.  My chemo brain is not nearly as bad as it was last time.  I don't get sick/drive the porcelain bus three or four times a day, unless I miss too many vitamin C IV's then its all bets off.  I will let you decide.  Here are two pictures of me.  One from 2010 after 3 months of chemo, and a recent one.  Big difference huh?!  It is because of your support and generosity that I am able to get these vitamin C IV's.  Thank You!!!!!

2013

2010

A friend of mine nominated me to be on the Ellen show!  She is looking for an "inspiring person in need" and my friend thought of me :) Pretty awesome!!  If you would like to nominate me as well please feel free to do so,  of course that is if I inspire you :)  Here is the link to the nominate an inspiring person in need page.  You can find my mailing address and my email address at the top right of my blog and my age is 41 (for a couple more weeks).   I would love to have the opportunity to reach so many people and give them hope, especially those who are living with cholangiocarcinoma.

I spoke to my ND about my scan and how to proceed with the Vitamin C IV's and as great as those C's have been for me I am not going to be able to get many more.  There is enough left in my account for about a month of IV's.  I am supposed to get three every week.  I have dropped it down to two a week. Doc P wasn't too happy about that.  He says three a week are the protocol and that is what he suggests. I'm just not going to spend my energy worrying about that if I can help it.  I am going to get them until the $ runs out then figure it out then.  I know that every time I get one of those IV's it is prolonging my life.  It really irritates me that insurance wont cover something so obviously good but that is another thing that I'm not going to spend any energy on thinking about.

It's weird.  I have always loved food and eating good food.  Lately I just cant seem to gain weight though.  I waiver between 110-115lbs.  It probably has something to do with the chemo/steroids and lack of appetite AND the fact that most days I'm out of the house before breakfast.  On good days I can make and take lunch and breakfast with me to my IV's or chemo.  If I feel crappy the night before and have no energy then I usually live off ensure and whatever snacks I can toss into my lunch bag before I have to head out of the door.  Time and energy=no hunger.  I am sure that most of you can relate to that one.  Sometimes I sit and think about how awesome it would be to have a "normal" life.  You know, the one where you go to work every day and make plans for the weekend to go do something fun like hiking or skiing or camping.  One would think that I have all kinds of free time...Yeah, I wish.  I would love to have the energy to go for a hike.  I used to hike all the time all by myself.  I never wanted to  have to find someone to go with me just to be able to get outside.  I can't even count the miles I have hiked solo or how many times I have camped solo or skied solo.  My muscles are pretty much non existent these days.  Stamina is gone (except when I get the steroids) and walking up a flight of stairs makes me want to find a chair.  It is a little depressing especially since I am used to being so active.  I didn't even go climbing this year.  What a crime!  I get told a lot that if I do more I will have more energy to do more etc.  I first have to have the energy to do something before I can do more.  I try though.  Yoga is nice but I still tire quickly.  My energy levels are just about enough to get some light housework done a few times each week then it's snuggle with the kitty time.  I am beginning to feel that old familiar overwhelmed feeling creeping back again but it is more manageable this time since I am also not struggling with horrible relationship problems like last time and that is definitely something that I am thankful for.  There are still some days that I feel like going postal and freaking out on someone or multiple someones.  Luckily the only people who have had the unfortunate experience of seeing angry Laura are Comcast and they totally deserved it :)


Who loves the cooler weather?!
I love summer, spring, winter and fall :)  I get excited every time the seasons change.  Fall is probably my favorite though.  I love all the colors, the crisp air, and halloween.  The transition of seasons, schlepping off of old things, habits, patterns, and staleness is gratifying and cleansing.  It is fun to wear comfy warm clothes, read books, snuggle with the kitty, and drink tea as you listen to it rain outside.  I've been rearranging the closet; summer stuff in back, and winter stuff in front.  I've been stowing the sandals (sniff, sniff), bringing out the boots (yay!), and cleaning and making way for the new year, death and rebirth.


Here is link to click upon if you wish to donate to my clinic for my high dose Vitamin C IV treatment.
The Center for Traditional Medicine

You may also contact them at 503-636-2734 to donate directly into my account there via credit/debit.

Here is my Amazon Wish List  where I have listed my supplements and vitamins.


I hope that you all know I am forever grateful, humbled, inspired, and able to live longer due to your generosity and unwaviering support.  I think about how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends and family every single day.  YOU are the reason I am still here posting on this blog, and of course a good attitude never hurts either.

Chemo day is tomorrow and my lunch is already packed :)

Many healthy blessings to you all!


CANCER CAN SUCK IT!!!

Catching up

Hello!

The past month has been an interesting one.  I got to spend some time with family and friends then there was the weekly grind of the combination of Vitamin C IV's and chemo 4 times a week for an average of 4 hours each.  I'm getting more used to it now though.  I'm just hoping that the skin over the place on my port that gets stabbed will hold up long enough to make it through all of this without tearing or deteriorating and thus needing some kind of surgery to graft skin or something....not thinking about it...

Vitamin C love!

Regardless of all the stabbing the Vitamin C is incredibly worth it!!  I ended up having to miss both my C IV's and my chemo last week due to a family health emergency.  My mom was sick with a sinus infection the prior week and ended up getting some antibiotics which didn't help and the sinus infection ended up turning into pneumonia.  She finally felt so bad that she asked if I could come up to Seattle and help take care of her.  We ended up at the ER at Swedish to which she was admitted overnight and at the doctors office twice.  It was the sickest I have ever seen her and she had me really worried.  After all she has done for me it was my turn to get to do something for her.  She has been running and working herself ragged (especially since the beginning of the year) to take care of me and it finally is catching up and taking a toll on her health. She gives so much and it made me feel so good to be able to do something to help her even if it was just for a week.  Thankfully she is doing much better now and as of yesterday even went back to work (half days right now) because it is hard work recovering from pneumonia...luckily I have never had to find out.

Anyway about the Vitamin C being worth it (got sidetracked).  Since I missed last week's IV's I started noticing that the side effects of the chemo started getting a bit worse; more nausea, some neuropathy, more ringing in ears, blurrier vision, less appetite, etc.  Interesting isn't it?  I can tell the difference for sure, the C is amazing stuff!  It's just a crying shame that insurance wont cover something so incredibly beneficial, but I'm not about to get started on that stuff.

OH! finally got the results of that Spectracell blood analysis back.  It shocked both my nauturopath and me to see that I am only slightly deficient in 3 things....B2, oleic acid, and D3  my immune response is above average and my ability to detox is in the normal range.  Even though I have cancer and even though I am getting chemotherapy my results were still this good! I just knew that vitamin C IV's were the way to go!  This test was representative of the past 6 months not just  snapshot in time.  Pretty cool test and even more impressive results.  They are all easy fixes too, gonna take a B2 supplement (folic acid) and drink a shot of olive oil every day (7800mg of oleic acid!), and increase my D3 &K2 spray to twice daily and Shazam! Not too bad huh?!

My CT scan is scheduled for Sept 25th with results on the 27th.  My oncologist still thinks that I am doing very well and for him to say that is pretty awesome in my book.  In about two weeks we will see just how much of a kick ass job this Vitamin C is doing and I can't wait to find out.  This is my plan to proceed:  If the scan looks good but there is still room for improvement I am going to try to get the C's for at least 2-3 more months depending on what my ND says.  If it looks the same (or worse) then I will figure it out then and try to go see a healing guru in another country :) yep.

The garden at dads is growing so fast and so abundantly that I have been too busy to get up there enough to harvest much of it.  I really wanted to get much more from the garden this summer but I also did not anticipate being in treatment 4 times a week either.  At least dad has a big freezer to store some veggies in for the winter.

Looks like another busy couple of weeks lined up but that is what keeps life interesting.  I am starting to get over the shaky stuff a bit more and with all of this extended summer weather (90's in Portland this next week!) I am going to try to make some time to get out for some late summer hiking up in the mountains.  That is one thing I didn't get enough of this year.  I can't believe I have only been camping one time! Dang!

Your generosity is FAR OUT!

I wanted to give a shout out to everyone out there who has been donating to my therapy and well being.  I literally could not be doing this well without your help.  You all have no idea just how much this helps and means to my health and I am in great gratitude every minute of every day and every time someone tells me that I am looking great I think of all of you and how it is because of your generosity (and some positive mental attitude) that they are saying these words to me.  Please don't ever think for one minute that I take any of it for granted and I am forever thankful.

Thank you!

If you would like to contribute, you may donate directly into my account at my clinic by contacting them at:
The Center for Traditional Medicine
503.636.2734

Or by PayPal at:
laura.york71@gmail.com

Or visit my Amazon wish list which includes supplements and vitamins etc. at:
http://amzn.com/w/3A2XN4O4FP6U1

Tremors, Gardens, Camping & Vitamin C

Things have been going pretty darn good lately thanks to all of you!!!

High C IV

The high dose vitamin C has been so extremely helpful! I have not had quite as severe side effects as I had during my last chemo back in 2010-11.  I have been no where near as forgetful (I still have my moments), have only gotten sick one time and have had much less nausea, have only had about four or five really bad days, my hair has been growing about an inch every month, and my skin is very healthy looking.  The friends and family who have seen me at this point in chemo back in 2010 and who have seen me recently can definitely tell a major difference.  Let's just say that I have no complaints at all, even though there are a few issues going on...

My hands have been so super shaky lately.  At first I though it was the thyroid pill my ND has me on so we adjusted it a few times and now I'm down to one pill cut in half twice daily.  We also took a break on the DCA and liquid tributyrate to make sure I am not deficient in my B vits (plus doc says its good to have a break from these from time to time, I am guessing to kind of "reset" your body).  So far this has not helped either but it may take a few days to see.  Next he is wanting me to get a nutritive push, similar to the nutritional IV's I used to get but concentrated (no saline) and "pushed" by hand with a huge syringe into my IV line (slowly of course).  I got one today and I smell like the vitamin store now, however I do feel much better, but still shaky hands.  He thinks I may be just needing more nutrients and since I get so much liquid pumped into my body 4 times a week that it is diluting what nutrients I do have.  It will take a few days to figure it all out but we are determined to get to the bottom of it.  It is kinda cramping my iPhoto skills.  Shaky hands make for blurry photos...boo!  The other thing it is doing is making it a pain in the ass to type and more of a pain in the ass to text.  Geez!  I'm a big texter (it's actually my main form of communication) and it has been super frustrating for me.  I do a lot with my phone too like check my email, entertain myself when I'm in an IV for 3-4 hours, etc and this shaky bit has been irritating to say the least.

My Hooties who keep my liver loved at night

I got to go camping the other day with some friends.  It. Was. Heaven!  I used to be that girl who went camping every single weekend and more often if I could manage it.  I was hiking, climbing, skiing, camping, or just doing recon for another trip or scoping out new places to go.  I haven't been camping since last July when my mom and I went opal digging at Juniper Ridge in Southern Oregon (awesome by the way!) so this was a treat for me!  I couldn't wait to retrieve my camping gear from my storage closet down the hall!  Before I got diagnosed, back when I had a job and money, I had enough foresight and determination to replace my aging and well loved tent, sleeping pad and backpack.  Oh man, it was like Christmas!  I had only used my new gear once or twice after I purchased it (cause my ex and I always used the Westy when we camped) and when I went to set it up I just kept gawking at it and at how cool it was.  My chemo brain had completely forgotten what it even looked like, and I was absolutely befuddled and astounded at all of the adjustments on my killer backpack.  Once everything was all set up I realized my tent matched my sleeping bag...hey, just cause you're camping "roughing it" doesn't mean you can't be fashionable too :)  I floated around on a lake near Mt Hood all day (with lots of sunscreen), had wonderful conversation with friends new and old, ate a ton of delicious food, sat by a campfire, and slept under the stars like a baby and didn't even wake up one single time all night long.  It was a good, good time.  I hope I feel well enough to get back out at least one more time before this nice weather is gone.

The view from inside my tent

My dad and I planted a HUGE garden together this year.  The only downfall is that I usually feel too tired/shaky/crappy to make the hour drive north to his house.  And I am in appointments 4 days every week so it also makes it difficult to come see me too...unless one wants to hang out in an IV for a few hours or so.  But the point is that we are getting tons of veggies out of it and it couldn't be more awesome!  I just wish I could spend more time actually in the garden.  I love weeding and tending to the plants and eating them right out of the garden, yum!

I've been sleeping a lot lately and I mean a LOT.  It has been feeling incredibly good too.   I have been fatigued but not in a completely incapacitated way like back when I had radiation.  I can at least be in the kitchen for a while now and do my own laundry, clean, take care of basics etc.  The fatigue I have is pretty consistent and severe but I can make it to my appointments by 9am (that's great for me) and if I set my mind to it, whatever it is, I can usually make it happen.  Sometimes it takes a while but it will eventually happen.  I have a huge mobile making project that is warranting my attention these days. I finally got things organized enough to feel like I have some room to be creative.  In other words I re-arranged my furniture again...see if I set my mind to it I can get it done :)  My kitty girl still thinks I'm crazy but it keeps it interesting for her and her indoor lifestyle.  I have lots of great ideas brewing for crafts too.  I am assuming that I will have more enthusiasm for those things once the days start getting shorter and less deliciously sunny and warm.

Just waiting to be turned into something cool

My next CT scan is scheduled for sometime in the middle of September.  At that point it will have been three months since I got the scan that showed cancer in lymphs, lung, pelvis as well as in my liver...this is where we will see just how much cancer booty we have assassinated.  My guess it that it will be spotless  or nearly so :)  Yep, this is what I am going to manifest!  Will you help me by sending my your good thoughts and sparkly ju-ju and let's manifest some spotless scans!  Woot! Woot!




Seriously though, the vitamin C IV's have proven to be astoundingly helpful with chemo side effects and doc says that it also makes the cancer more susceptible to the chemotherapy making it more effective.  Not only that I can literally see, smell, and feel the difference in my body as compared to last chemo in 2010.  It is amazing stuff and I just can't understand why our lame insurance wont cover such a simple thing that can do so much good!  The IV's are $175 each and I get three every week so in comparison to chemo it is cheap but when insurance does not cover it the expense turns into $2100/mo.  The only reason I am as healthy as I am right now is because of YOU!  Thank you so much for the vitamin C IV's!!  The donations you have made is what makes it possible for me to get these lifesavers and I want you all to know that I am forever in deepest gratitude for your generous and gracious gifts!  I feel the love every single day and am so thankful and lucky to be as healthy as I am and to have such wonderful friends and family like you all to give me strength and shine that light.  You all rock!!

at the CTM

My friend Tiffany has organized this fundraiser to help with vitamin C IV's.  Anything is most appreciated, even if it is only $1!  Every single little bit helps and is one more drop of golden goodness in my IV to keep me healthy and kick some cancer booty!
Here is the link :)

Or if you like you can contact my clinic directly at The Center for Traditional Medicine  503-636-2734 and they can add money to my account there with a debit/credit card or personal check.  The people there are quite lovely, if you call on a Mon/Wed/Fri then make sure to tell them to say "hello" to me since I will be in the IV suite :)

I hope you are all enjoying this beautiful summer and are all safe, happy, healthy and full of life!

Oh yeah,

CANCER CAN SUCK IT!

Getting on with it

On the edge of Mesa Arch looking down

My friend sent me this great article the other day and I have to say that it was very timely.  It was titled "No one told me that getting on with life after cancer would be so hard" by Mary Jennifer Markham, MD who writes of a patient experience.  The patient, a woman who had undergone chemotherapy for lymphoma for an entire year, had a clean bill of health at this exam but was having other problems that were just as hard to deal with.  How to get on with life after cancer.

Any of us who is lucky enough to have a life after cancer has had those concerns.  You know the ones I am talking about; "will it come back?" "what is that pain?", "why am I so tired all of the time?", "will my lab results look good?", "will my scan be good?", and so on.  We were all (if we were lucky) coached in what to expect from treatments (hair loss, nausea, loss of appetite, neuropathy, feeling as if you've been hit by a Mack truck) but we were never coached for how to get on with life if you survive. What do you do? Do you rest for a while and try to recover from chemo and if so how long? What if you decide to go back to work and the cancer comes back and you have to quit and reapply for all of the benefits and assistance all over again, something that has taken months and months to get in the first place.  What if you work full time and find that it is too much for you right now and have to quit or cut your hours back so much you can't afford to live.  What do you tell people about why you have been out of the workforce for over 2 years?  What is that pain in my side/leg/head/arm/throat anyway? Is it the cancer coming back?  Did I take my supplements/meds today? Did I eat enough vegetables?  Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.  Fun isn't it?

someone else making fun of "the system"

Those are the types of things that have been rolling around in my head lately.  Once you are on "the system" (SSI, section 8, health care, etc.) it is seemingly impossible to get off.  It's set up all wrong.  They like to tout it as being "easy" to return to work and even have classes to help you learn new skills so you can join the "workforce" again, usually making minimum wage in the labor industry but, hey.  If you make any money they deduct half of it from your monthly pay so it sounds good so far, right?  But it's not, because then you get hit by having to pay more for rent and healthcare and you get less food benefits so all of the sudden that extra money you made is gone and not only is it gone, but you end up paying more for earning it.  Messed up huh? I think so.  By my calculations one would have to make enough money in the month to be able to pay for everything (rent, phone, car, insurance, food, gas, internet, household supplies, medical expenses, etc.) just to be able to come out ahead and get off "the system"and have a job with benefits so that healthcare would not be an issue because, well, you never know.  This is where I am right now.  It feels a lot like nowhere really, somewhere between the lines of parallel universes trying to figure out which one of those I belong to now.  When you are told that you have cancer and you might not have too long to live you change.  You are emotionally, mentally, physically and in every other way challenged to reconstruct your life with your new knowledge.  Priorities change, health and well being become paramount and things like work, or school, or career, move toward the bottom of the list waiting to be dealt with when or if you get the chance.  It is hard to re-prioritize your life especially when it has already been through enough re-prioritizing for while.  I told myself that I would not be too hasty in seeking employment.  I want to give myself enough time to make sure that everything is going to be ok, that I can handle working full time physically and mentally, that I will make enough money to be able to get off "the system" and still have benefits, that my next couple of scans all still say good things, that I have the mental ability to concentrate on something for a given amount of time, and that I am not just too fatigued to stay awake, alert and present for more than 3-4 hours at once.  But when?  I feel like I need to start making some plans.  Set a goal.  Start the process of starting over again.  Here is my idea, I would love to know what you think.

I was browsing some of my favorite blogs the other day and came across my friend Sonnet's awesome blog For the Love of Food.  Sonnet writes about food and good, nutritious, healthy, vegetarian food at that.  She has so many delicious recipes and is very knowledgeable about nutrition, food and health.  I noticed that she is a holistic health coach, something that I have really been looking into lately, and sent her an email asking about it.  Turns out that she is attending the same institute I am have been looking into and she has nothing but good things to say about it.  Sonnet and I both attended Antioch University in Seattle and as a result have high expectations of the schools we choose to attend and how they structure the learning process.  It was such a relief to hear positive things about the school.  I am very excited to begin the process of obtaining my certification to be a holistic health coach.  From my experiences over the past two years, all of the research, and all of the questions I get regarding my health and cancer diagnosis, and cancer assassination, I feel that it is my calling in life to help others become healthier.  This certification will allow me to do that even better by taking the knowledge and first hand experience I already have and integrating it with more knowledge of how to do so while also expanding on the knowledge I already have, plus I will be credible and certified having a platform from which to operate and share such knowledge professionally.  The program is great! They even help with setting up your own practice and give you all kinds of tools and resources to do so.  It is a 12 month program but in 6 months I can become certified meaning that by the first of next year I can be independent and off "the system" while helping others and doing what I love to do!  I even got a scholarship to attend, but the bummer is that it costs $5,000 and my scholarship is only for $500 plus I get another $500 off if I pay in full bringing it down to only $4,000.  Yeah right!  I live on $7 a day!  So in the meantime I am making mobiles to sell.  Let me know if you want one.  Saving to buy supplies to make some jewelry from my tumbled agates that I found on my rock hunting trips so I can sell that too and scheming about how in the world I am going to make some money and get off "the system".

some of my tumbled agates waiting
to become jewelry

Big news! My naturopath at The Center for Traditional Medicine in Lake Oswego (Dr. Peterson) wants  me to start a new treatment.  High dose vitamin C intravenously.  Vitamin C is well knows as an antioxidant when taken orally but when given in high doses intravenously it actually becomes an oxidant creating hydrogen peroxide and killing cancer cells.  It also is supposed to be great for relieving side effects of chemotherapy such as fatigue (did I mention that I've been sleeping about 12 hours every day), chemobrain, rebuilding and renewing cells, with the added bonus of the feeling of abundant energy and wellbeing.  Sign me up!! Sounds great huh? I bet is is great! The not so great part about it is that it costs a lot more than the nutritional IV's with glutathione that I have been getting for the past two years.  Another one of those things that has to change because I am in that place right now.  Cancer dead, no more chemo, no more pharmaceuticals, and needing to change and get on with the next steps of treatment after cancer.  The first three months of the treatment is going to cost $800 as I need to get IV's once and sometimes twice a week.  Those IV's are also administered over a period of 3-5 hours so it also means I will be in the clinic a lot again for a little while until I get built up to the level I need, after that it is a weekly thing.  I am super psyched to start this treatment so that I can begin to feel normal again, have enough energy to stay awake all day (until at least 8 or 9 at night) and enough mental clarity to concentrate on something more than a sit-com.  I am not going to even schedule my first treatment there until I know that I can afford to pay for at least the first 3 months though.  Ahem....so if anyone out there feels like they can spare a few dollars feel free to contact The Center for Traditional Medicine (503-636-2734) and put some financial loving into my account there.  I know times are hard and the economy sucks but I will say that every little cent helps the cause.  I hate having to ask for help, it sucks.  I want to help not always have to be helped.  I know that day will come one day though and I will be able to give back to so many what has been given to me, good health and a wonderful and abundant life.

I am also going to put the call out again for any unused gift cards that anyone has hanging around.  Those were so incredibly helpful before and I definitely made good use of them.  There are other ways to donate to help cover medical expenses such as the ChipIn on this page or directly into laura.york71@gmail.com on PayPal.  Every little bit makes such a difference and I am so very grateful for the generosity of you all.

So that is pretty much the long and short of it all.  Where to go now...how to get on with it and as Dr. Markham said "no one ever told me that getting on with life after cancer would be so hard".  But I am thrilled to be alive and have this problem.  The alternative just wasn't going to work for me.

Cancer Can Suck It!

Today is a good, good day!

Last night, for the first time without actually having to, I set my alarm clock for 7am.  Usually I just hit the snooze button a time (or ten) before I actually get up.  Luckily I was using an alarm clock that I was not used to and couldn't find the snooze button, so up at 7am I was.  I made my usual cup of Earl Grey and decided to wake up a little by pulling some weeds in our very neglected front yard.  That actually did the trick and what a way to wake up, smelling all those broken green weeds.  I love the smell of plants, especially tomato plants!

Anyway, today I have an appointment at the Center for Traditional Medicine and it happens to coincide with my friend Susan's appointment and I am so excited to see her!  We have kind of a "girl" day planned. After our appointments at the CTM I will be accompanying her to some more doctors appointments. That is what happens when you have cancer, always some doctors appointment, always.  As a matter of fact your doctors appointments and chemo and IV's etc are what you revolve your entire life around.  Someone says "Hey! What are you doing tomorrow/next Tuesday/next week/etc. and you can't really say if you are going to feel good enough to do anything, that is IF you don't actually have an appointment that day.  It is strange as you watch yourself deteriorating.  Your memory going south, you can no longer multi-task or even single-task because you forget that you were even doing anything at all.  You are all of the sudden that "flaky" friend that gets on everyones nerves because you either forgot (chemo brain) that you had a date with someone or you didn't anticipate feeling like crap so you have to cancel.  Even your partner/caregiver gets annoyed because you are not the same person you used to be...

At least if you had dementia you wouldn't know you were so flaky and that your brain is turning to mush and your emotions are all over the chart most likely in big part from the all of the drugs coursing through your body, but you also wouldn't be able to notice that you are slowly going crazy.  But actually knowing and seeing yourself become this person (moody/flaky/etc) is a hard thing to handle, especially if you used to be proud of how well you could handle complex situations and your organizational skills.  Gone...Now I am a moody, flaky person who somehow always is able to see some positive in even the nastiest of situations, cling to it for dear life, and make even the most trying of days in to really good ones.  You have got to, otherwise you would just fall down into a deep dark bottomless hole, and climbing out of that would be even harder.  I think I will chose to step around it.  Maybe one day this hole will be filled in, covered up, boarded up, and "KEEP OUT!" signs placed all around.  Or perhaps one day this ugly hole will fill up with flowers and those yummy smelling plants I love so much.  Yeah, that is what will happen!

As a good friend of mine says, "Today is a good, good day!"
Love you Bills!