I'm not complaining. Ok, maybe a little bit.

Oh where to start...

Fall Colors on the Angel's Rest Trail

I have been keeping some things to myself lately, mostly because I wasn't really sure how I felt about them, and partly because I really don't want to complain.  I mean really, what do I have to complain about?  I am alive.  I am much healthier than I was no so long ago.  I don't have to get chemotherapy every other week.  I can think much clearer than at the beginning of the year.  I don't have the gigantic emotional tsunamis washing over me every time I turn around.  I am in a much better living situation in a clean, subsidized apartment with nice neighbors.  I finally have gotten rid of all of the drama in my life from a very unhealthy relationship and that feels really good.  I have been realistic in my expectations of how long it will take to get over chemotherapy side effects by not expecting to automatically rebound back into full blown life yet by setting achievable goals and realistic expectations of myself and knowing my physical, mental and emotional boundaries.  It has been feeling great to volunteer and give back to the world without having to commit to 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week, something I know would simply not be feasible at this point.  I have been spending a lot of time with my family and my friends which feels wonderful.  I have also been spending time on me, detoxing with baths, juice, dry brushing, rebounding, eating well, avoiding chemicals, processed foods and other toxins, hiking, climbing, and other forms of exercise, trying to get my RBC, WBC, platelets, neutrophils and other blood counts back into the normal range.  It all sounds pretty good huh?  So what's bothering me?  I think I may have some of it figured out.  I also think I need to make an appointment with a professional therapist or survivor group just to get this verbally out into the universe and to get some non-biased feedback from someone who does not know me.

I was perusing some sites today, trying to pinpoint exactly what has been bugging me.  It is actually not one single thing I discovered, but a multitude of things stemming from one cause.
Drumroll please......CANCER

A fitting metaphor

I have been feeling somewhat depressed for a while now.  Ok, before you get the impression that I am ready to toss myself in front of a bus let me explain.  When I was diagnosed I was in shock at first, not wanting to even tell anyone because I didn't want to be handled with kid gloves.  A very short while later I decided that I was going to rally and tell the world, bring it to everyones attention that this young, active, healthy individual was just diagnosed with an extensive terminal illness.  I wanted to share my research on how to be even healthier with everyone so that they might not have to ever get the "you've got cancer" speech from their doctor.  I rallied hard.  I went through nearly 2 years of chemotherapy, all the while getting nutritional IV's to counter as many of the nasty side effects of chemo that I could.  I changed my diet, my lifestyle, took control of my health, saw a doctor on a weekly (sometimes more) schedule and did everything that I could to be proactive with regards to my health and wellbeing.  I had a huge network of friends and family to give me encouragement and support.  Nearly a year ago I decided against my oncologists advisement to stop my chemo treatments.  They were just becoming too much for me to handle and I felt like I was really coming apart physically, mentally, emotionally and in every way.  I literally felt like they were killing me and everyone else noticed too.  Since quitting chemo I have been slowly pulling all the little pieces back into place, leaving the ones out that no longer serve me and substituting better ones.  I have gone from seeing my oncologist every month, to every other month, to once in 4 months, and now I am at the point of getting another scan in January to check out what is going on inside of me.  This feels very unusual.  I was tossed into a tornado of doctors, scans, IV's, port placement surgery, biopsies, mammograms, blood draws, medical bills, nurses, oncologists, financial counselors, medicaid, naturopaths, and somehow I was still keeping up in grad school, putting dinner on the table every night, doing all of the grocery shopping, cleaning the house, driving myself to my chemotherapy/naturopath appointments, keeping track of all of my records, and all the rest of life.  Now I go see my oncologist...I'm in there for about 5 minutes trying to tell him all kinds of stuff (why does my liver hurt more now? why do I itch like crazy when my skin isn't dry? why don't I  have my female cycle anymore?  why do I have absolutely no sex drive what so ever? why am I so tired all of the time? why am I so sensitive to noise or smells? when do we do more liver enzyme tests?).  As you can see I most likely drive him crazy.  He doesn't have these answers, no one really does.  I feel like the whirlwind of treatment and hustling to beat down the tumors is over and that I am left with debris everywhere to pick up and piece back together again.

I have been asked by some "Hey, you aren't getting treatment anymore so that means you can re-enter the work force again, right?"
How about if I were to ask this, "Hey, the tornado is gone and your house is leveled to the ground so you are going to move back in though, right?"

It isn't that easy.  I wish it were.  But if everything were just that easy then it wouldn't be worth fighting for would it?

It is pretty awakening to find out just how close death can be.  Once you are told that you could die soon you realize just how much of an emotional burden this is to carry around with you.  Believe me I think about it every single day and appreciate just how fragile life is.  It is traumatic! Adjusting to that at first was all about fighting for my life.  I have put many days into this fight and am now emerging from the wreckage with most of myself still intact sorting through it all, piecing things back together little by little, slowly but surely getting there bit by bit.  The emotional roller coaster doesn't have as many loops, twists and turns as it once did but it is still a ride.

Fatigue has been a common companion for years now.  The fatigue brought on by chemo was debilitating but I powered through a lot of it by refusing to let it limit my life to my bed or sofa.  I still went skiing, hiking, climbing and did the things I loved.  My attitude was that if I might die it will be in the woods doing something I love and not in a bed hooked up to an IV.  This is also what kept things real for me.  Being outside has always been my favorite form of meditation, soul searching and head clearing.  Now fatigue still haunts me but in a different way.  Not so much in the way that I am physically slammed and glued to my bed or sofa although that happens about once a week still too.  More so in the way that comes and goes unexpectedly.  There are sometimes days on end where I am feeling pretty good overall and one day I hit the wall and am slumbering all day long with not even enough energy to cook a meal (can you say smoothie).  Some days I feel good, the next day bad.  There are days when I feel good for half the day and crappy for the other half.  It is really a mixed bag. You never know what is going to happen.  I have been learning to just cope with it and not to feel bad if I didn't get to whatever it was I had planned to do that day.

The simple pleasures in life

To look at me one would most likely never know that I even have had cancer (it's still there but last I heard it was still dead so I am sticking with HAD).  This makes for some very unusual and sometimes awkward situations.  The other day I was volunteering at an event and all of the sudden I had excruciating pain in my liver that took my breath away and stopped me in my tracks.  I just stood there clutching my side not knowing what to do or what it meant.  Luckily it passed and I didn't have to make an excuse to leave the event.  Just because I look "normal" doesn't mean that I feel normal or that everything is normal.  Just because I am not getting toxic chemotherapy does not mean that I am now cured or that I am feeling awesome or that everything just can happily go back to the way things were pre-cancer.  If anything I am more on my own than I have ever been.  I am not taking pharmaceuticals so that means I don't go see a doctor who wants to monitor anything anymore, meaning that I have to be receptive and responsive to my own body and what it is telling me about my state of health.  It means I have to be extra vigilant about my diet, exposure to toxins, exercise, sleep and over all health.  It means I need to listen to my body when it tells me it is at its limits instead of sucking it up and pushing through anyway.  It means that I have to be on top of my natural care and keep getting nutritional IV's (I can't get high dose vitamin C IV's anymore which are known to kill cancer, as they are just too expensive), taking my supplements, and doing everything I can in order to avoid ever having to be faced with making a decision about chemotherapy again.  To hear me talk you would not think that I am struggling with money, or pain, or health, or neuropathy.  I don't usually talk about those things unless I am prodded some.  When someone asks me how I am doing/feeling I will say that "I feel great" or that "I am doing really good" and that is not a lie.  I am.  I feel much better than I did 1 or 2 years ago, and I am alive and still in good spirits, able to love and laugh and see the beauty in every single day.  So overall, what do I really have to complain about?  Let's see: fatigue, lack of mental clarity/focus, chronic pain, neuropathy, financial stress (still living on $7/day), worry about the future/cancer recurrence/secondary cancers, lack of concentration, paying for treatments not covered by insurance, people thinking things are great and back to normal now that chemotherapy is over, how to move on to a new normal when you don't even know what normal is or if you even want "normal" anymore anyway...what if "normal" is what contributed to getting cancer in the first place?

I am giving myself a present.  I am giving myself time to fight my cancer and time to heal from it.  I am so happy to be able to give thanks for all of the things in my life that are so good and right and healthy and loving instead of only seeing what is wrong or what I am missing because of my situation.  I am choosing to focus on everything good and put my attention and energy there so that I get good in return.  The very day I was diagnosed I remember sitting in my back yard watching the trees and birds and thinking to myself "I may never see this again" and then instantly thinking to myself "NO! I will never see this again because this is one moment in my life and it has no equal."  This is when I changed my thought process from what I might not get to have/do to focusing on everything that I do have and can do.  This is another reason why it was so hard for me to write this post today.  It is why I have been kind of quiet on my blog for a while.  I really feel like I have no right to complain about anything, even though life is still quite the struggle.  I am not one to complain, especially since my perspective has been changed so drastically.  Today I had to get it out.  It felt like the thing to do.

In the meantime I am continuing to volunteer at various places, getting my feet wet again so to speak so I am prepared for a full time job when I have the opportunity and ability.  I am looking forward to ski season and getting to use my awesome birthday/early Christmas present from my mom and dad of a midweek pass to my favorite local mountain.  I get out and hike as much as I can when I can (even in the rain) when I feel good, fresh air is medicine for my soul.  I don't leave my house much except to occasionally meet a friend for tea or to see family as every time I leave my house it costs money (either money for gas to get there or money for wherever you go) and living on $7 a day will quickly teach you how to become self entertaining and resourceful and that staying home is often the best entertainment.  I continue to make mobiles to help pay for medical expenses at my naturopath and for a little extra gas money so if you want one please let me know.  They make great Christmas presents (hint, hint) :)

Here is a great article about cancer survivorship and issues cancer survivors face.  Many of these really hit a chord in me.  It felt good to find a sort of validation for the many feelings I have been having both emotionally and physically.  You may find some enlightenment in it as well.

I have also been thinking a lot about self love lately.  Doesn't it make sense that if we loved ourselves more, we would make better choices about our health/food/life etc, be nicer and more loving toward other people and animals and to our environment, ultimately leading to a shift in consciousness that could radiate out and become a revolution?

My Cancer Killing Diet & Lifestyle

I have had a lot of emails about what I did for myself (other than chemo and pharmaceuticals) to kill my cancer.  In lieu of repeating myself over and over again I thought I would try my best to go over everything here.  As always, if you have any more questions please do not hesitate to send me an email asking about them.  I may not always be quick to respond but I promise I will get back to you.

THE EARLY STAGES (right after diagnosis):

 My ex bought me a copy of Kris Carr's "Crazy Sexy Cancer" and I devoured it.  I didn't take every single suggestion in the book and run with it, rather I picked through and found the ones that made the most sense for my condition, my body, my own unique person.  The day after I was diagnosed I ate my last favorite meal; a medium rare steak, baked potato, salad, and a glass of red wine and of course for dessert I had some ice cream.  The very next day everything changed.  I didn't ease into my new diet, I actually sped full steam ahead into it, no holds barred, no looking back, no if's and's or but's about it.  It was definitely crunch time for me.  I felt, literally, like it was do or die and I didn't want to die.  Yes, I thought about all the food I couldn't eat and salivated over watching others eat the things I used to eat all the while being bummed out that now I was different and one of those picky eaters who can't just order from the menu and asks questions like "Are those veggies sauteed in butter or olive oil?" and "is there any milk substitutes available?" etc.  

It wasn't even an entire week after my diagnosis when I eliminated the following foods from my diet:

Dairy (with the exception of cottage cheese and flax oil as per the Budwig protocol)

Animal products (with the exception of a little fish once a week or less)

Sugar (cancer feeds on sugar)

Alcohol (um...LIVER cancer)

Processed foods (anything that is in a package is pretty much a processed food)

Caffeine ( I drank hot lemon water in the mornings and then found an awesome product called Shakti Chai that my naturopath turned me onto because I was craving my tea like beverage)

Basically if I couldn't pronounce or recognize an ingredient on anything I purchased that was packaged I did not buy it.  It literally took me hours to shop.  I read every ingredient on every label and 9 times out of 10 ended up putting it back on the shelf.  Even the bulk food, those ingredients are posted on the bins, please take time to read them.  Don't just assume that because it says "organic" or "non-GMO" or "all natural" that is is good for you.

Most of my groceries were from the produce section and I always purchased organic food.  If I couldn't find the thing I was looking for in the organic section I either went without that certain item or found it at a different store.  While I am on the topic of stores let me just say that it is almost impossible to find healthy options that are not full of sugar, chemicals or other nasties in most conventional grocery store chains.  If you have a Whole Foods, Wild Oats, Trader Joe's (although even the Joe isn't that great either but they are getting better), co-op, or other alternative type market I would go there first.  UNLESS you have access to a farmers market that sells organic, pesticide free produce.  It is always best to buy locally grown foods, not only does it stimulate the local economy and support local agriculture but it also means that you are getting seasonal food. Eating local, seasonally grown foods means you are getting the most nutrients from them as they lose their nutrition little by little after harvest. You aren't getting a winter squash in the middle of the summertime or a cucumber in the winter etc.  You get what has been harvested recently, still full of nutrients, grown locally instead of shipped around the world, and supporting your local farmer.  Better yet, join a CSA (community supported agriculture) and get a box of fresh seasonal produce delivered right to your door! Here is a link to find farmers markets in your area...and HERE is a link to find a local CSA.

At first I ate most all grains including rice, wheat, oats, quinoa, etc.  They made good fillers for my tummy even when I had no appetite.  I would usually accompany them with veggies and EVOO (extra virgin olive oil).  I purchased a masticating juicer (good for juicing veggies and wheatgrass) and I made green juices every day. This is the juicer I have (Sampson 6-in-1) but I have also heard great things about Breville and Omega juicers too, and if your budget can afford it the Norwalk juicer is the way to go.

I also made smoothies ( I purchased a Vitamix when I still had a savings account) almost every day adding protein powder, green vital nutrient powder, chia seeds, flax seed oil, all kinds of fruit and a hand full of spinach or kale.  Even when I didn't want to eat or when I didn't even have an appetite those smoothies saved me and kept me from losing tremendous amounts of weight.  Again, when purchasing protein powder to go in your smoothie remember to get the organic non-GMO stuff, many are also vegan or vegetarian to suit your taste and/or needs and preferences. 

LATER DURING CHEMO (when I was losing too much weight):

I began incorporating more animal products into my diet, mostly for the fat.  I ate cheese again, yogurt, kefir, and meat.  I also started eating ice cream (probably not the best idea but, hey, I needed to gain weight badly).  I pretty much ate what ever I wanted at this point as I had gone from 141lbs down to 109lbs and looked very sickly.  I still avoided all processed foods and ate mostly vegetables but at this point I really had no other limits.  In retrospect if I had eaten more foods from the beginning instead of letting my dwindling appetite get the best of me I probably wouldn't have had to try to gain so much weight back.  

THROUGHOUT TREATMENT AND NOW:

I always buy organic food.  Always.  I try to eat alkaline foods (great link here to food chart) and here is another great one (cancer loves and acidic body and processed foods and meat is very acidic) so it makes sense to try to alkalinize the body.

I have not had a drink since that last glass of red wine.  I might have the tiniest sip of beer once in a great while just to taste one I hadn't tasted before but that is it.  Having liver cancer is pretty much the only motivation I need to not drink alcohol ever again.  It has been almost 2.5 years since that last glass of wine.  Not only do I save a bunch of money from not buying alcohol, but I save my compromised liver and my waistline too.  BONUS!  More money for veggies!

I have always taken supplements as suggested by my naturopath at The Center for Traditional Medicine in Lake Oswego, Oregon and highly recommend seeking professional advice from a naturopath or natural medicine doctor before beginning any supplements.  You can find my supplement list during treatment and the supplement list I am on now on my previous post here.  I also got nutritional IV's during the 2 years of chemo treatments.  I would get those on the weeks I wasn't getting chemo.  Those kept my body healthy enough to be able to tolerate nearly 50 rounds of cisplatin/gemzar.

I know that a radical diet change is extremely daunting and scary.  Comfort foods are gone! Where is the replacement for cheese?! What about my morning coffee, evening wine, or midnight ice cream craving?  Well, all that I really have to say about that is how badly do you want to live? Does your desire for food outweigh your motivation to be alive?  Most likely not.  I changed my diet in the blink of an eye.  It wasn't easy, it was damn hard! I did countless hours, days, weeks, and months of research to find what worked the best for me.  I am not you, our bodies are not the same.  Yes they have pretty much the same parts but those parts are all different.  Our metabolism is different, our blood is different, our lives are different.  What worked wonders for me may not be a good fit for you.  My best advice is to experiment and take the time to check in with your body to see if what you are doing is helping or hurting.  Getting in touch with your body is so important.  It is also something that is so hard to do when given a cancer diagnosis, especially a terminal diagnosis of a rare cancer that almost everyone dies from.  You distance yourself from your physical body, you have to just to be able to endure treatments.  My body became something that "they" did "things" to.  It was like I was outside of my body most of the time looking down watching them do things to me.  When I lost more and more weight I distanced myself even more from my physical being.  It was only after I voluntarily stopped chemo that I began bringing myself back into my body again.  I still don't think I am all the way there yet but I am more present now than when I was in a chemo induced haze.  

I want to say a bit about attitude.  I know that just having a positive attitude isn't going to get rid of your cancer or solve all of your problems BUT I also firmly believe that what you focus on expands and that your thoughts and feelings and words can and will manifest into reality.  Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of days, or even weeks where I threw my own private pity party and I didn't invite anyone else.  There were those days that I thought to myself that it would be much easier to just give up than to continue on.  There were even a couple of days that I would have rather just been dead, but those were my low points, really low points.  Other things than just the cancer contributed to this (dysfunctional relationship, crazy alcoholic ex-boyfriend relatives living with us in a house that was too small mooching off of us, cheating, lying, and being told by the person I loved that I had lost too much weight and was no longer attractive, etc.) and feeling like I was all completely alone and that no one really understood how I felt, not even me.  I feel it is important to give in every once in a while and throw your own pity party.  Cry, scream, punch pillows (or other soft things), play loud music, whatever it takes, BUT then move on.  Keeping all of those negative feelings and emotions bottled up inside is not healthy for you or the person who is unlucky enough to be in the path of your rage when you do snap.  So let it out, and let go of it.  Then as Peter Tosh says "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again." Having a positive attitude is a good thing.  You must feel good about your choices otherwise you wont stick with them.  Before I made the decision to get chemotherapy I had to make sure I felt good about it first.  Any chemo is scary stuff.  I didn't want to have to get chemo just because they told me to.  I wanted to make sure that I felt good about it and wanted to get chemo so that I could imagine frying those little cancer cells as the poison coursed through my body.  If you are going to chemo with the attitude that it isn't going to help then it probably wont.  Worrying about something is like praying for what you don't want.  Try to focus on all of the things you do still have left instead of worrying about what may happen or what you have lost.  It is not always easy, but I am certain that you can find at least one good thing every single day to be happy about, even if you have a terminal illness.

Right from the very first moment I heard the doctor say "you have cancer" I immediately decided that I was going to kick its ass.  The very next thing out of my mouth after I heard those words was "tell me everything, I need to know as much as possible to be able to do as much as possible to kill it".  I have said this many times and I am going to say it again because it is just that important!  When you life is spiraling out of control and you are given a diagnosis of cancer and all the statistics say you only have a 2% chance of living 5 years it is time to take your control back.  In this place where you feel like your life is so out of control it is so empowering to be able to control something.  I took control of my diet, eliminated every single chemical from my home (laundry soap, bathroom cleaners, shampoo, soap, makeup, hair products, household cleaners, everything!).  I drank filtered water (and if I could have afforded it I would have gotten a filter for my entire home).  I took hot epsom salt and essential oil baths or cellular detox baths almost daily.  I got acupuncture (great link for cheap acupuncture here), acutonics, massages, reiki, other alternative healing methods, did yoga, used gemstones and crystals, exercised, got sunshine and fresh air, I did what ever made me feel good that wasn't bad for my health.

MY ANTI-CANDIDA DIET:

What is in my fridge right now

All of the chemotherapy, antibiotics from rashes from chemotherapy, years and years of birth control pills and other pharmaceuticals left my digestive system in pretty bad shape.  I was tested for candida at my naturopath (a simple blood test) and the results came back showing that I had a HUGE candida overgrowth problem.  My doc said that he has probably seen worse cases but he couldn't remember when.  Candida is always present in the body, it's not necessarily a bad thing, but when it takes over and grows like crazy it prohibits all of the good gut bacteria from doing its job.  Eating things like sugar and wheat or white rice only exacerbate the growth of the candida making your digestion suffer, thusly making your health suffer.  I have been on an anti-candida diet for months now and I am still not over it yet.  If you think that changing your diet to a more plant based diet is hard then you have no idea how hard it is to eat an anti-candida diet.  It is by far the hardest change I have made.  I have eliminated every grain except amaranth, quinoa, millet and buckwheat.  NO BREAD! lame! I love bread!  No oatmeal in the mornings...booo!  Even all of those "gluten free" mixes and products out there contain either sugar, rice flour, spelt (wheat), or all of them.  Yes you can take antibiotics to get rid of candida, but antibiotics must be followed by a thorough course of probiotics and taking antibiotics to rid your body of something that antibiotics most likely caused in the first place is kind of counterproductive to me.  There is no quick fix for candida, only band aids that mask your symptoms.  The only way to control candida overgrowth is through your diet and after all, isn't that what this entire post has pretty much been about anyway?

PET scan results and other fun stuff

She's radioactive!

On the 12th I had my 4th PET scan.  My oncologist decided to do another PET instead of CT so we could see what has been going on for the past 2 months.  I must say it is a little weird to go from having to see the oncologist weekly, then bi-weekly, then monthly, to bi-monthly...I just can't help but worry about it being that long in between visits, wondering if in that time something might start growing out of control or something.  But instead I choose to focus on the positive, perhaps that is partly what has gotten me this far, who knows?

As usual I always request a copy of the scan on disc that same day (and I sit in the clinic and wait for it) and as soon as I get home I plug it into my computer and scrutinize every little detail hoping not to see those tell tale dark spots in the image as I examine it from every possible angle.  It looked pretty much just like the last scan (THANK GOD!) and I was content to wait until the following week to get my "official" results from my oncologist.

Now if you have ever heard of me describe my oncologist, you will know that he is pretty stoic.  He never really gets excited and never really gets worried, or if he does he never shows it.  However, this time was different.

I sat on the exam table as usual and looked at the scan results with him on the computer.  He said "Things are still looking very good" and then turned to me with a smile on his face (first one I have ever seen) and said "How many people do you know that are in your situation?"  I said "no one" to which he replied, "Exactly! You are an exceptional case!"  You just have no idea how long I have waited to get that excitement from him! It just made my day!

I still have yet to hear those words "you are in remission" and I suspect that is because I still have masses of tumors, although dead, in my liver.  They keep shrinking slowly but surely and I am so thankful for that!

I really picked my oncologists brain that day, making sure to ask him all the questions that I had forgotten to ask before.  I got smart and wrote them on a list this time so chemo brain could't forget.  I told him that I feel like I keep waiting to feel normal again.  Like I can go to work for 8 hours a day, or be able to concentrate on something without losing that concentration or getting so frustrated that I give up.  I'm waiting for the day that I can feel consistent.  One day I am full of energy, and the next I could be on the couch sleeping the entire day.  I may go out to run errands or for a walk and end up so tired and exhausted that I can barely drag myself back to my door.  He admitted to me that unfortunately there is no money to be made in cancer survivorship programs, no drugs that they can sell you, nothing to market so to speak.  He made it very clear that he felt this was an area that definitely needed improvement and where there was a huge lack of resources.  He said the best thing for me to do was to have a great support group (family and friends etc) to help me out.  I have that.  It's YOU! But all the emotional and/or financial support in the world is not going to help me shake those nasty chemo side effects.  It will just take time, good nutrition, exercise, rest and a positive attitude.  Who knows, those side effects may never go away.

Just a girl and her jackhammer

Sometimes I feel that others think that since my scans are clear and I am not getting chemo right now that everything is all back to normal and life goes on like before.  Well, let me say that this is far from reality.  I am still waiting to get my brain back.  It's getting there, slowly but some progress is better than none at all :)

In the meantime, my mom and I went to southern Oregon to dig for fire opals at the Juniper Ridge Opal mine.  It was spectacular!!! We had so much fun and found so many awesome specimens! What a treat! On the way back we found this awesome little hot springs by the hwy (58) and soaked in its 120 degree water for an hour or so.  It was heaven!

I also got interviewed by our local Fox news station yesterday at The Center for Traditional Medicine about why I get my nutritional and high dose vitamin C IV's.  It was exciting! I don't know when it will air yet but I will keep you all posted.  I don't have tv (can't afford it) so I will have to see if I can get a recording of it or go to a neighbors or friends house to watch it.

some of my loot!

I want to give a HUGE shout out to all of those of you out there who have contacted me about you or your loved ones who have cholangiocarcinoma.  I am so honored to be able to share my story and experience and resources with you.  I want to help you out as much as I can by sharing those resources, so please do not hesitate to get in touch with me.  Sometimes I may be a little slow to respond but I promise I will get back to you.

first time ever river kayaking