Day 37 continued

So it looks like I just created another route for everyone to donate to the Cancer Assassin Save My Ass Fund.
This one works through Pay Pal, so if you have a pay pal account it is really east to donate here so you don't even have to leave your home to go to the bank :) Just trying to make it easy for everyone.

I want to say that you all have no idea how much inspiration you give me every single day. I am so blessed and lucky to have so many wonderful friends and family surrounding me and loving me and supporting me during this ever so stressful time of my life. I have come to realize that we should let all of our friends and family know every day just how much they mean to us, we simply cannot rob ourselves and them of this opportunity by waiting until something bad happens to spur us to tell our loved ones how we really feel. So take a moment, call your mom, hug your partner, pet your kitty or pup, hand out kisses like they are butterflies, send out those positive vibes and just wait to see what comes back for you besides those warm fuzzy feelings :)

I love you all!

Day 37

Wow,

Chemotherapy yesterday wasn't so bad while it was happening, then last night I got a rush of energy (mentally not physically) and stayed up working on my wish list until past midnight.

Today is a different story. I woke up at about 4am with my stomach hurting and that feeling known so well to chemotherapy patients of the overwhelming urge to purge. My oncologist said that if I can keep the first one from ever happening then I will have a much better time with the other treatments. So I guess the rule is DONT TOSS YER COOKIES LIL DARLIN :)

I have been on the couch most all day long sleeping, only getting up to pee. One of the drugs, cisplatin, is hard on the kidneys so I have to constantly drink water to keep them flushed out and safe and sound. This is pretty much the only reason I get off the couch, well, ok, I lied...I did take a nice hot epsom salt bath with lavender and patchouli essential oil while burning my healing chakra candle and envisioning all dis-ease leaving my body. Good stuff.


Big happ's today!!! I met my friend Carl at US Bank at 10:30 this morning and he has successfully set up a fund for me to help me pay my gigantic mountain of doctors bills, lab tests, scans, and prescriptions that multiply exponentially every day. So anyone can go to any US Bank Location and give them my name, Laura York, and make a contribution to the cancer fund. Thanks Carl!!! I haven't figured out how to link it to Pay Pal yet but as soon as I have it I will put it up here on The Cancer Assassin.

One more thing has been coming up a lot and it seems that there are a lot of my wonderful friends and family out there who are offering to donate part of their livers to me. This is so incredibly unselfish and sweet and I sincerely thank you from the very bottom of my heart and the core of my being. You are all wonderful and so very special.
I do have O+ blood, but alas, pieces of livers unfortunately will not help me. The only thing that will possibly work is an entire liver transplant and that is not looking quite so good, but then again I haven't exhausted all of my options on that one and after all, what you focus on expands and I am not going to focus on not getting a liver.

That is just about it for today. I am so very tired and am going to drift back off into LaLa Land.

Much love peace and light to you all, eat right, stay healthy, drink lots of water, exercise, and if man made it DONT EAT IT, and oh yes, as usual....

cancer can suck it!

Laura

Day 36

I just have to say that day 35, also known as yesterday, was a really tough day. It started off normally enough: wake up, pet the Pie, warm lemon water for my morning drink, fill out paperwork for school (they don't believe I haven't worked in 3 years), lots of research about the Mayo Clinic, The Kushi Institute, Naturopaths, other wellness retreats and classes. Ate some Ezekiel cereal with almond milk and agave suryp, looked at the time and this is where it all went down hill. It was already 11:30! Where in the hell did all of my morning go? What did I do for myself yet, NOTHING, that's what.

I drug my whiny ass into the bathroom and took a shower, got out, made a green juice and a wheatgrass shot then I needed to get the heck out of the house. Our dog, Clark (named after the Griswolds), was being a hyper spastic that morning. He has this new toy that his mom bought for him and it is a little green satan ball with feet that makes this horrible squeak when he bites it. And he bites it and bites it and bites it and bites it and bites it and bites it and it doesn't stop. He isn't content in the corner on his comfy bed chewing on the satan toy, he has to be in your face with it squeaking, squeaking, squeaking, squeaking in your ear the whole time (hours and hours). Ok, out of the house I go.....

Went to a place called FaceBodySoul to find some cream called Keeping Abreast of It! Supposed to be good for draining the lymph nodes and good for the breasts and breast health too. Not bad. Alas, they were out of the cream but I did find other great information there and after all, I can always order the cream online or stick it on the wishlist :)

Went to eat at a restaurant called the Blossoming Lotus. LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! you should check out their site, awesome food and ABSOLUTELY AMAZING VEGAN/GLUTEN FREE/SOY FREE desserts that are utterly to die for. YUM!

I lost it in public and in the privacy of my own car about 4 times total yesterday. Then again a couple more times once I got home for the reasons I will explain next...

Remember those Tuesday meetings that my other oncologist at OHSU has to discuss new patients ( ahem, ME!) and if I am a candidate for a liver transplant or what the heck....well she called me yesterday just like she said she would. She is really nice, but then again I love my oncologist at the Northwest Cancer Specialists too, a lot. Anyway, back to the subject...to make a long story short I AM NOT A CANDIDATE FOR LIVER TRANSPLANT through OHSU. Too much cancer in my liver (seriously people my liver is literally covered in tumors) and in order for OHSU to give you a transplant your SINGLE tumor cannot be more than 3cm. WTF!?!?!?!?!

REALLY PEOPLE???? Why not just take a chunk of liver out instead, it grows back. Give the liver to the girl who needs it and might die without it. I lost it after this little bit of news. I was angry, sad, hopeless, but mostly angry. Angry at all of those people out there who drink their livers away, get cirrhosis and get a new liver because they intentionally destroyed theirs. Not fair! What this has proven to me more now than ever is just this.

I WILL NEED TO DO THIS ALL BY MYSELF. IT IS MY JOB TO HEAL MY OWN BODY.

Britt, remember all that talk about how in the world I was going to disrupt the doxa? Well I've figured it out :) THIS is how I will be disrupting the doxa. I will survive and thrive in spite of what everyone's prognosis is and regardless of if I can get a liver or not because I AM STRONG, I AM WORTH IT, I AM BEAUTIFUL AND I AM A SURVIVOR!!!

Right now I am sitting in the "Chemo Suite" at the Northwest Cancer Specialists in PDX. Makes it sound so fancy huh? Like there are tux clad waiters serving healthy raw/live snacks on silver trays asking you if you would like a shot of wheatgrass or a fresh green juice or antioxidant smoothie. Yeah, well it's not like that. It is filled with all ages, genders, and ethnicities all with smiling faces, all having conversations or reading novels or magazines. Some are on their laptops (like me) others are watching movies on portable DVD players. I brought the arsenal today, games, books, magazines, laptop, movies, iPod, iPhone, snacks, water, blanket and slippers. I will be here for about 6 hours today. I got here at 10:45am and probably wont get to leave until it is time for dinner. Good thing they have comfortable recliners, but I also have the overwhelming urge to urinate every 20 minutes due to all the fluids they put in prior to the chemo drugs. One of the drugs, cisplatin, is known for not being kind to the kidneys, hence all the fluids and therefore the overwhelming urge to pee....again....yeah, gotta go and oh yeah....

CANCER CAN SUCK IT! IM ZAPPING THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS RIGHT NOW!!!!

Day 34

And all is well...

I went to Hawaii, it was AWESOME! We are gonna book more tickets and go back again this summer/fall. Beautiful! We went snorkeling, Stand Up Paddling, Jeff went surfing (I watched), hiking, swimming, ate a bunch of pineapple, papaya, coconut, and little apple bananas. No mango for me (can't stand mango). Got to meet about half of Jeff's family which was really nice and got to relax on the beach a bunch.

On last Friday I had an appointment with an oncologist at OHSU specializing in GI cancer. She was super informative, communicative, and nice. They have this conference on Tuesdays where they discuss their new patients (like me) and their cases. All different specialities are in the room (surgeons, oncologists, radiologists, etc) and they are going to be discussing me at tomorrow's session. I have been told that I could be a candidate for liver transplant as long as my lymph nodes are cancer free. One of them showed up as enlarged in the PET scan, but no one saw any cancer in there. Jeff just bought me a rebounder (little round exercise trampoline) that is supposed to be great at draining your lymph nodes. Unlike our muscles releasing toxins from our body through exercising them the lymph nodes do not have any way of getting rid of the toxins except for a "bouncy" type of exercise (running, hiking, bouncing...get the picture) like the rebounder. They say that 10 minutes on the rebounder is better than 30 minutes of running. More toxins get released and the impact on your body is better etc. I am also getting my hands of this cream called Keeping Abreast of It! and it is good for helping to drain your lymph nodes as well. I am just trying to keep them healthy so I can get me a liver soon :)

I begin chemotherapy (cancelled my other appointment as I just wasn't sure about it yet) on Wednesday. Once a week for 3 weeks, then 2 weeks off, 3 weeks on, 2 weeks off, 3 weeks on, then I'm done for a while. Ryan's girlfriend Lauren said to me "Just look at it like this. Sometimes very depressed people need a drug to help them be able to help themselves then they can dump the drug as they are on the road to healing."

WOW!

I hadn't considered it this way before. It made sense to me and I now feel much better about things. I think that the combo of western/modern medicine and natural healing can compliment each other, especially when you really don't have much time to f@ck around in the first place.

I fired my crackpot naturopath. I swear it felt like he was trying to kill me and sell the rest of my good organs on the black market. I am in the process of fining another. Not a whole lot going on this week so I might be able to get an appointment soon.

Jeff and I spent the day at Lowes and the Home Depot. We are constructing a raised garden in our back yard (picture coming soon), so we bought soil (not dirt and yes, it is organic), and some boards for the boarders, a ladder to trim our bushes and trees, two air purifiers (one little one for the bedroom and a big one for the main area). Got to have clean, healthy air. We also bought a little outdoor fire cauldron so we can sit on our patio by the fire and feel like we are camping....YES!!!!

I am psyched to find another place in PDX where I can get a yummy meal free of dairy, soy, sugar and well...ok it does have meat, shrimp, but I also found out that I can eat shrimp so YAY!!!! Coconut rice with black beans and fresh made salsa with two small little shrimp tacos with fresh cabbage, red onions, tomatoes, and cilantro. Found it at Roots Brewery, only the best brewery ever. I'm not drinking anymore but I was the designated driver (a little duty I am assuming that I will have to get used to) so I got to watch everyone else enjoy the beer. Honestly I do not even miss it anymore. I don't even miss sugar really anymore either. I find that I am liking a lot of things that I never used to like, such as ginger. I used to HATE ginger, well except for ginger snaps. Now I love it and even in the strongest amounts can barely even taste it where it used to completely overpower my little taste buds and make my throat hurt. Strange huh?

I am also going to be spending some time looking at some different retreat/healing center/institutes such as the Kushi Institute in California. I feel the need to go away for a couple of weeks and meditate, relax, get healthy, and focus on nothing but myself for a while (no cats, no dogs, no laundry, no dishes, no cleaning......nothing). I think it would do wonders for me.

Ok, enough for now. I will post more when I know what came of the meeting at OHSU. I gotta go make a shot of wheatgrass juice and a green juice. Stephanie (Bills) is in town and when she gets here (anytime now) her, Jeff, and I are going to get some tacos at Roots.

OH! I am going to be posting a "wish list" soon of some things (books, appliances, etc.) that I would love to purchase but there isn't enough money for them. If you have any of the mentioned things lying around feel free to send it my way :) List coming soon.

Thank you for all of the beautiful cards, letters, notes, DVD's, books, and research! They inspire me every day and I am constantly thinking about how many wonderful people there are in my life and how lucky I am to know every single one of you.

Much love, peace, and light to everyone!

cancer can suck it

Day 20 cont.

After some Rescue Remedy my day got much better. As suspected my doctors appointment today began with a visit with my oncologist Dr. Shao. The mammogram was normal, the colonoscopy and endoscopy were normal and we got the DNA test back. It was 96% positive that the cancer is originating in my bile duct.

Even though this is some pretty shitty cancer to have and it is pretty rare, this is actually great news. It is nowhere else in my body just yet, thankfully.....this makes me a candidate for a liver transplant. I am young, active, healthy, cancer free everywhere else, perfect candidate for a transplant, right? No worries about the bile duct because it is encompassed in the liver so it is a one shot deal, two for one kinda thing. I could have began chemotherapy today but I after Jeff and I had a heart to heart with Dr. Shao, picked his brain thoroughly, and asked almost any and every question we could think of we decided that I would forego chemo treatment until I return from Hawaii, giving us time to think and talk more about it on the beach :)

, now I have an appointment with OHSU the day after I arrive home with a liver specialist/oncologist there. I will be speaking with them about getting placed on the transplant list for a liver. Makes me understand why it is so important to become an organ donor. I wonder if I will get bad karma for not being a donor all these years....

The wonderful nurse assistant for Dr. Shao is also in the process of scheduling me with the Fred Hutchinson Cancer Research Center in Seattle for another appointment and another opinion. In addition Jeff and I are considering traveling to Boston to visit the Mayo Clinic if need be. Jeff confided in me today that he has a good feeling about OHSU, and I have to say that I agree with him.

Organization.

That is an important part of my life. I hate it when things are lying around all willy nilly and in piles that are not neatly stacked or contained. I spent some crazy cleaning jazzed up wheatgrass shot time with my new Dyson D-28 $550 vacuum cleaning the floors, corners, furniture, stairwells, attic, and dustbunny caves all over the house this afternoon. Then I proceeded to dust long forgotten shelves and organize books on the shelves, clean the bathroom, do 2 loads of laundry, change the sheets on the guest bed for our house/pet sitter, cook dinner, clean the dishes,

TOOK A LONG HOT EPSOM SALT AND LAVENDER BATH......ahhhhhhhh...............

This is what wheatgrass shots will do for you. Want energy, go get yourself some wheatgrass juice. No kidding.

Tomorrow is devoted to yoga and some mellow sorting of shorts, tanks, hats, skirts, flip-flops, dresses, camera, cribbage board, cards, snacks, toiletries, and sunscreen for the much anticipated trip to Oahu. Sounds good to me.

I am also in the process of gathering up all of my medical records from all of the stuff I have been having done so I got stuff to show all these new docs.

That's the update tonight. My crappy day turned out to be pretty darn good after all. I mean the Mariners even won the game tonight and everything. Not bad at all.

Cancer can suck it! Yeah, that's right.

Blessings and a good evening to all.

Laura

Day 20

I woke up in a strange mood this morning. I had nightmares for the last half of the night and every time I woke up and went back to sleep I kept on dreaming the same dream from where I had left off. Don't ya hate that when that happens? Now I am in kind of a crappy mood. I guess I could blame it on the cancer, after all one of the symptoms is mood swings, lucky Jeff. He has been giving me my space this morning, wonder why....

I am supposed to go for chemotherapy today. I hate ambiguity sometimes. As far as I know we still don't know where the primary source of my cancer is. We are still waiting on the DNA test from California. I have a feeling that today's visit will just be a meeting with the oncologist to discuss what we have found with all of the tests and blood work. We can't begin treatment (drug therapy) until we have established where the primary is. I am not even all that certain that I even want to do chemo anyway. I guess that I will be thinking it over while I am in Hawaii.

I also need to get on finding more doctors for 2nd, 3rd, 4th opinions. I am scheduled with a naturopath on Thursday who came highly recommended and treats patients (younger ones like me) who have liver cancer. I am excited to find out if what I have been eating is the right thing to eat.

I also told all of my classmates on Sunday's residency. What a wonderful bunch of lifelong friends I have made at Antioch. I love every one of my classmates and have such a valuable resource base within that community. Everyones energy that day was positive and I have never been hugged so much in my life. I loved every minute of it. I love hugs and touches. Thank you all for your support and energy, those will take me a long, long way.

Sometimes life without cancer is hard. Get enough sleep, enough exercise, eat right, find time and energy to cook, do homework, run errands, go grocery shopping, do laundry, clean house, look after diabetic cat who poops in various places around the house and then just when you think you might have a handle on all of that you get the news that now you have cancer and then you get to do all of what you were doing before plus more. Shopping for groceries now just became a 2 hour endeavor. Being somewhat creative in the kitchen for a meal that is not the same thing you ate for the last 7 days is even harder, especially when you have to research recipes, foods that you can eat, and still have the energy to prepare a meal out of it all. Then there is the NO INSURANCE part. This is the funnest one of all. Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, meet this person, meet that person, fill out more paperwork. So much fun. Don't forget about the nearly daily doctors appointment of some variety or another. I have been trying to get to the gym for days now. We were going to go early this morning when they opened up at 7am, as you can tell that did not happen because I am sitting here posting on my blog instead. Perhaps we will go this afternoon, after an appointment and errands. We will just see.

Yeah, crappy mood. It did make me feel a bit better to get it out to the universe by typing like a mad woman on my computer keyboard. Hopefully my attitude will not last much longer. Maybe a hot shower is what I need to wash it all away.

I will keep you all posted on what the doc says today. I am psyched for Friday and Hawaii. I cant wait to get some vitamin D from somewhere other than the bottle of supplements.

Peace, love and light,

Laura

Day 14

So I am still waiting.

I went for my mammogram today, lots of squeezin' and not in the pleasant way. The technician at least let me see what the pictures look like, so that was pretty cool. I am going back to the hospital again today for my consultation with the GI doctor about my upcoming endoscopy and colonoscopy that will most likely either take place tomorrow or early next week. Still looking for that primary source of the cancer in my liver.

Right now I am just waiting. Looking at the internet to try to figure out what the heck, but what I am finding is that until we know where this is coming from I am only using up precious energy trying to speculate about what to do as far as treatment options or transplants or what kind of chemo drug to use or really just about anything. Waiting...........

I am not one of the most patient people you will ever meet, my friends and family all know this, but right now that is what I have to employ, patience, while still keeping my sanity.

I have been to acupuncture twice and I am going again tomorrow. As of yet I have no appointments tomorrow so I am planning on also going to yoga or at least to the climbing gym, I bet there are some new routes there since my last visit 15 days ago. I bet Jeff would love to have a belay slave/climbing partner so that he is not stuck in the bouldering room and the stinky weight room again.

Both my mothers side and my fathers side of my family are huge and even though I know that they just care about me and want to talk to me in person it has been a bit overwhelming to say the least. One day I had to charge my phone twice in less than 12 hours due to all the phone calls and questions. I wish I could recharge my own batteries that quickly. Needless to say I was exhausted.

I have been religious about drinking my wheatgrass juice every day. I also have been making and drinking green juice everyday, usually from kale, spinach, celery, and an apple or pear to cut the bitterness a little. Last night I made carrot and beet juice and it was absolutely delicious! I also have been taking milk thistle, liver defense, turmeric, B complex, garlic, Vitamin D, and a multivitamin (from whole food source and organic). Every food I put into my mouth has been organic whole food or whole grain. My diet is primarily raw yet I occasionally have a cooked meal of zucchini, squash, or sweet potato, or miso (mellow white) soup with scallions and seaweed. I am positive that my diet will benefit me and my condition, especially in combination with my positive attitude and some good old fashioned exercise.

I am seeing a naturopath on the 15th, seeking out colon hydrotherapy to cleanse my bowel so that my liver can dump the toxins more effectively, and exploring some meditation/visualization classes so I will more effectively be able to visualize "in with the good, out with the bad" while I breathe deeply and slowly and deliberately.

All in all, despite some liver pain (which I always used to attribute to my stomach and poor digestion and rich foods, etc.) I am feeling and looking good. My friend Ron said to me this morning "You know this is just a fork in the road, right?" and Ron, I couldn't agree more. I can sense that in some peoples voices that they have already written me off for dead..."Look out! Dead woman walking!!!" well guess what, I am not dead and I am not even close to it. I am planning on living for a long, long time. This whole cancer diagnosis is really a new lease on life. I am not the same person I was 14 days ago. My life has completely changed, my perspective on EVERYTHING has completely changed. I am not waiting to do something that I have always wanted to do just because the time isn't right, or I can't because of what ever other excuses I make up to keep myself from living life to its fullest. This is just a calling to remember keep myself healthy and stress free, to build relationships that are good and fulfilling, to love and laugh and smile, to smell the air, listen to the birds, stand in the rain, have patience for myself and others, and to live like there is no tomorrow.

I have one request from you. I would love to hear from you but I can't always talk on the phone to everyone. This doesn't mean I don't care or appreciate you, I just need my energy for myself to get healthy and fight. I would like to make a poster to take with me if/when I have to be in the hospital for whatever reason. On this poster I would like to attach cards from you so that I have something inspirational to look at while I am getting treated or whatever. In the meantime I want to post it on my wall so that I can see it every day and draw energy from all of your support and POSITIVE ENERGY :)

Here is my address:

5604 NE 28th Ave

Portland, OR 97211

If you have any recipes for me that are made with only whole food (no soy, no sugar, no animal products, no dairy, no caffeine, no processed man made junk) then please send them my way as I am growing a bit tired of my options as of late. I thought the commodity challenge was hard (no corn or soy for 3 days) but this is the grandaddy of all food challenges and the sad part about it is that this diet that I am on is exactly the way that we should all be eating, and we are getting cancer in part because we can't part ourselves from our processed man made food. Even the "healthy" stuff is laden with crap. Maybe our major food companies are also in cahoots with our pharmaceutical companies so that they can give you cancer then sell you chemotherapy drugs. Wouldn't surprise me.

My boyfriend, Jeff, has been so incredibly supportive of me. I love him with all of my heart and am thankful every day to have him in my life. He has been there for me every minute of every day even before I was diagnosed. I always wonder how I could have possibly gotten so lucky, I guess it was meant to be. Jeff, I know you will read this and I want to publicly take this opportunity to tell you that I love you and thank you for being the wonderful, caring, giving person that you are. You have my heart.

Ok, update for today. More when I know more or when I need to get some stuff off of my chest. I gotta run to meet the GI for my consult. Until then keep the positive vibes coming my way and I will do the same.

Peace, love and light,

Laura

Day 9

Yesterday I had an appointment with my Oncologist to discuss the results of my PET scan and my liver biopsy. A lot of big long words....a lot of them. Luckily I had Jeff and my mom there to help me decipher all of the information. All I heard is blah, blah, blah, incurable....blah, blah, blah....expensive DNA test that no one covers (as if I have any insurance anyway)...blah, blah, blah...YOU'RE SCREWED!

Yeah, so I have inoperable tumors pretty much covering my entire liver. Yeah, so they think they might be coming from my bile ducts....Yeah, so what if it is incurable....I AM STILL GONNA KICK ITS ASS!

Incurable just means "cured from the inside out" and that is what I am doing. That is my plan.

I just got my juicer in the mail yesterday. This morning (as soon as my pharmacy *Whole Foods* opens) I will be sending my wonderful, awesome man to the store for some celery, wheatgrass, and other greens so I can begin my green juice consumption. I am actually really excited about it. I love the smell of fresh cut grass and suspectedly enough wheatgrass shots taste just like that smell. Perhaps it is an acquired taste but I enjoy it.

I sat in a community health clinic for 4 hours last night waiting....waiting just to see someone to try to establish a primary doctor so that I may be able to be eligible for some charity from an organization to get some things covered like labs, tests, and yes, chemotherapy.

Ahhhh....chemotherapy....I will be starting that in two weeks. Kinda trippy to think about. Im gonna fry those little suckers :) No really. I have been struggling a little with feeling like my body has betrayed me. Sometimes I envision my cancer as being black and ugly and festering inside of me. After the ample time I had to read my entire book (Crazy Sexy Cancer by Kris Carr) I found a nugget of wisdom to sustain me. She explained how she felt the same way about her situation and body and how it was hard not to imagine that there is ugly stuff inside of you. What she suggested was that rather than think like this, think that your body needs help. There is a part of my body that has become lost and confused and I need to help it find it's way again. It didn't betray me, God, The Universe, The Creator, Buddah, Evil Kenevil, WHO EVER, did not betray me. It just got a little lost and needs guidance. Much better visualization than icky festering globs of decay. It is my body, my wonderful, sexy, rock climbing, hiking, nature loving temple. It has carried me around to some beautiful places for 38 years and it needs a little attention and fine tuning.

So, I guess it is time for the update. Here goes...

I am being scheduled for an endoscopy, colonoscopy, and mammogram. They are still trying to figure out where the cancer in my liver came from. I also got blood work done just to double check and make certain that I don't have Hep C. That's good. And yes in two weeks I start the big C....chemotherapy. Chemo will halt growth but it wont get rid of the tumors. That is ok with me. I know that my cancer will never be gone from my body. I know that I will never be "cured" but they are more than welcome to just hang out there peacefully and remind me to take care of myself and live like there is no tomorrow.

Speaking of no tomorrow, I just want to remind all of you that there really is no tomorrow. There is only this very moment we are living in right now. Make the most of it. Don't use it to stress about your finances, your school work, your car, your anything at all. What a waste! What would you do if you found out that you had a life threatening situation. That is how you should live, every moment, every day. A quote that really fits this bill is just this.

Why is it that when we are faced with death that we truly begin to live.

Peace, love and light to you all.

Laura