Day 14

So I am still waiting.

I went for my mammogram today, lots of squeezin' and not in the pleasant way. The technician at least let me see what the pictures look like, so that was pretty cool. I am going back to the hospital again today for my consultation with the GI doctor about my upcoming endoscopy and colonoscopy that will most likely either take place tomorrow or early next week. Still looking for that primary source of the cancer in my liver.

Right now I am just waiting. Looking at the internet to try to figure out what the heck, but what I am finding is that until we know where this is coming from I am only using up precious energy trying to speculate about what to do as far as treatment options or transplants or what kind of chemo drug to use or really just about anything. Waiting...........

I am not one of the most patient people you will ever meet, my friends and family all know this, but right now that is what I have to employ, patience, while still keeping my sanity.

I have been to acupuncture twice and I am going again tomorrow. As of yet I have no appointments tomorrow so I am planning on also going to yoga or at least to the climbing gym, I bet there are some new routes there since my last visit 15 days ago. I bet Jeff would love to have a belay slave/climbing partner so that he is not stuck in the bouldering room and the stinky weight room again.

Both my mothers side and my fathers side of my family are huge and even though I know that they just care about me and want to talk to me in person it has been a bit overwhelming to say the least. One day I had to charge my phone twice in less than 12 hours due to all the phone calls and questions. I wish I could recharge my own batteries that quickly. Needless to say I was exhausted.

I have been religious about drinking my wheatgrass juice every day. I also have been making and drinking green juice everyday, usually from kale, spinach, celery, and an apple or pear to cut the bitterness a little. Last night I made carrot and beet juice and it was absolutely delicious! I also have been taking milk thistle, liver defense, turmeric, B complex, garlic, Vitamin D, and a multivitamin (from whole food source and organic). Every food I put into my mouth has been organic whole food or whole grain. My diet is primarily raw yet I occasionally have a cooked meal of zucchini, squash, or sweet potato, or miso (mellow white) soup with scallions and seaweed. I am positive that my diet will benefit me and my condition, especially in combination with my positive attitude and some good old fashioned exercise.

I am seeing a naturopath on the 15th, seeking out colon hydrotherapy to cleanse my bowel so that my liver can dump the toxins more effectively, and exploring some meditation/visualization classes so I will more effectively be able to visualize "in with the good, out with the bad" while I breathe deeply and slowly and deliberately.

All in all, despite some liver pain (which I always used to attribute to my stomach and poor digestion and rich foods, etc.) I am feeling and looking good. My friend Ron said to me this morning "You know this is just a fork in the road, right?" and Ron, I couldn't agree more. I can sense that in some peoples voices that they have already written me off for dead..."Look out! Dead woman walking!!!" well guess what, I am not dead and I am not even close to it. I am planning on living for a long, long time. This whole cancer diagnosis is really a new lease on life. I am not the same person I was 14 days ago. My life has completely changed, my perspective on EVERYTHING has completely changed. I am not waiting to do something that I have always wanted to do just because the time isn't right, or I can't because of what ever other excuses I make up to keep myself from living life to its fullest. This is just a calling to remember keep myself healthy and stress free, to build relationships that are good and fulfilling, to love and laugh and smile, to smell the air, listen to the birds, stand in the rain, have patience for myself and others, and to live like there is no tomorrow.

I have one request from you. I would love to hear from you but I can't always talk on the phone to everyone. This doesn't mean I don't care or appreciate you, I just need my energy for myself to get healthy and fight. I would like to make a poster to take with me if/when I have to be in the hospital for whatever reason. On this poster I would like to attach cards from you so that I have something inspirational to look at while I am getting treated or whatever. In the meantime I want to post it on my wall so that I can see it every day and draw energy from all of your support and POSITIVE ENERGY :)

Here is my address:

5604 NE 28th Ave

Portland, OR 97211

If you have any recipes for me that are made with only whole food (no soy, no sugar, no animal products, no dairy, no caffeine, no processed man made junk) then please send them my way as I am growing a bit tired of my options as of late. I thought the commodity challenge was hard (no corn or soy for 3 days) but this is the grandaddy of all food challenges and the sad part about it is that this diet that I am on is exactly the way that we should all be eating, and we are getting cancer in part because we can't part ourselves from our processed man made food. Even the "healthy" stuff is laden with crap. Maybe our major food companies are also in cahoots with our pharmaceutical companies so that they can give you cancer then sell you chemotherapy drugs. Wouldn't surprise me.

My boyfriend, Jeff, has been so incredibly supportive of me. I love him with all of my heart and am thankful every day to have him in my life. He has been there for me every minute of every day even before I was diagnosed. I always wonder how I could have possibly gotten so lucky, I guess it was meant to be. Jeff, I know you will read this and I want to publicly take this opportunity to tell you that I love you and thank you for being the wonderful, caring, giving person that you are. You have my heart.

Ok, update for today. More when I know more or when I need to get some stuff off of my chest. I gotta run to meet the GI for my consult. Until then keep the positive vibes coming my way and I will do the same.

Peace, love and light,

Laura